If there were only one moonshiny night in each century, men would never
be done talking of it. Old lying books would be consulted; in padded
club chairs grizzled gentry whose grandfathers had witnessed it would
prate of that milky pervasion that once diluted the unmixed absolute of
night. And those who had no vested gossip in the matter would proclaim
it unlikely to recur, or impossible to have happened.
Mr. and Mrs. Brook and Martin had gone on toward the veranda. Joyce
lingered where the edge of the house’s shadow was a black frontier
on the grass. The lawn was a lake of pallor. Under the aquamarine
sky, glazed like the curly inmost of a shell, earth was not white or
glittering, but a soft wash of argentine grey. There was light enough
to see how invisible the world truly is. The pure unpurposeful glamour
poured like dissolving spirit on the dull fogged obscure of ordinary
evening: the cheap veneers of shadow peeled away, true darkness was
perceivable: the dark that threads like marrow in the bones of things:
the dark in which light is only an accidental tremble. Where trees and
shrubs glowed in foamy tissue, hung chinks and tinctures of appeasing
nothing. This was abyss unqualified, darkness neat.
She was drowned at the bottom of this ocean of transparency. She felt
as people look under water, pressed out of shape, refracted, blurred
by the pressure of an enormous depth of love. In such clean light a
thought, a memory, a desire, could put on shape and living, stare down
the cautious masks of habit. The trustiest senses could play traitor
inside this bubble of pearly lustre; the hottest bonfires of mirth
would be only a flicker in this dim stainless peace. Better to go
indoors, join the polite vaudeville of evasion, escape the unbearable
reality of this enchanted....
“Here you are!” said a voice. “Thank goodness. I want to ask you
things. You’re different.”
It was Martin.
“What’s the matter with all these people?” he exclaimed. “Why can’t
they have fun? Why do they keep on telling me they love me? I don’t
want to be loved. You can’t be happy when you’re being loved all the
time. It’s a nuisance. I want to build castles in the sand and play
croquet and draw pictures. I want to go to bed and get a good sleep for
the Picnic; and that lady wants me to kiss her. I did it once; isn’t
that enough?”
Here was a merriment: to expect her, at this particular junction of
here and now, to join his deprecations.
“Quite enough,” she said. “But it depends on the person. She may not
think so.”
“It’s Mrs. Phyllis. I asked her if she was ready for me to go to bed,
and she said I mustn’t say such things. What’s the matter with her? I
think she’s angry. Everybody seems angry. Why is it?”
Her pulses were applauding her private thought: If Phyllis loves _him_,
I can love George.
“And I saw Bunny in the garden. She says you’re the only one who can
help me because you almost understand.”
“Bunny! Bunny who? What do you mean?...”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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