Change of air must have had an instantaneous effect upon his spirits;
for, from Galena, he writes us an amusing letter, which, among other
things, tells us of a desperate quarrel that took place on board of the
boat between a real live dandy tourist, and a real live Yankee settler.
The latter trod on the toes of the former; whereupon the former
threatened to “Kick out of the cabin” the latter.
“You’ll kick me out of this cabing?”
“Yes Sir, I’ll kick you out of this cabin!”
“You’ll kick _me_, Mr. _Hitchcock_, out of this cabing?”
“Yes, Sir, I’ll kick _you_, Mr. Hitchcock!”
“Wal, I guess,” said the Yankee, very coolly, after being perfectly
satisfied that it was himself who stood in such imminent peril of
assault—“I guess’ since you talk of kicking, you’ve never heard me tell
about old Bradley and my mare, there, to hum?”
“No, Sir, nor do I wish—”
“Wal, guess it won’t set you back much, any how, as kicking’s generally
best to be considered on. You see old Bradley is one of these
sanctimonious, long-faced hypocrites, who put on a religious suit every
Sabbath morning, and with a good deal of screwing, manage to keep it on
till after sermon in the afternoon; and as I was a Universalist, he
allers picked me out as a subject for religious conversation—and the
darned hypocrite would talk about sacred things, without ever winking.
Wal, he had an old roan mare that would jump over any fourteen-rail
fence in Illinois, and open any door in my barn that hadn’t a padlock on
it. Tu or three times I found her in my stable, and I told Bradley about
it, and he was ‘very sorry’—‘an unruly animal’—‘would watch her,’ and
a hull lot of such things, all said in a very serious manner, with a
face twice as long, as Deacon Farrar’s on Fast day. I knew all the time
he was lying, and so I watched him and his old roan tu; and for three
nights regular, old roan came to my stable about bed time, and just at
daylight Bradley would come, bridle her, and ride off. I then just took
my old mare down to a blacksmith’s shop, and had some shoes made with
‘corks’ about four inches long, and had ’em nailed on to her hind feet.
Your heels mister, ain’t nuthing to ’em. I took her home, give her about
ten feet halter, and tied her right in the centre of the stable, fed her
well with oats about nine o’clock, and after taking a good smoke, went
to bed, knowing that my old mare was a truth-telling animal, and that
she’d give a good report of herself in the morning. I hadn’t got fairly
to sleep before the old ’oman hunched me and wanted to know what on
airth was the matter out at the stable.
“Says I, ‘Go tu sleep, Peggy, it is nothing but Kate—she is kicking off
flies, I guess!’
“Purty soon she hunched me again, and says she:
“‘Mr. Hitchcock, du git up and see what in the world is the matter with
Kate, for she is kicking most powerfully.’
“‘Lay still, Peggy, Kate will take care of herself, I guess.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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