Humorous stories; Ukridge, Stanley Featherstonehaugh (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
My head had begun to clear now, and I was able to look more steadily
at my sympathiser. And, as I looked, the feeling came to me that
I had seen him before somewhere. That red hair, those glinting
eyes, that impressive bulk—it was my old friend Wilberforce Billson
and no other—Battling Billson, the coming champion, whom I had last
seen fighting at Wonderland under the personal management of
Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge.
“Did ’e ’it yer?” enquired Mr. Billson.
There was only one answer to this. Disordered though my faculties
were, I was clear upon this point. I said, “Yes, he did hit me.”
“’R!” said Mr. Billson, and immediately passed into the hostelry.
It was not at once that I understood the significance of this move.
The interpretation I placed upon his abrupt departure was that,
having wearied of my society, he had decided to go and have some
refreshment. Only when the sound of raised voices from within came
pouring through the door did I begin to suspect that in attributing
to it such callousness I might have wronged that golden nature.
With the sudden reappearance of the barman—who shot out as if
impelled by some imperious force and did a sort of backwards
fox-trot across the pavement—suspicion became certainty.
The barman, as becomes a man plying his trade in the Ratcliff
Highway, was made of stern stuff. He was no poltroon. As soon as
he had managed to stop himself from pirouetting, he dabbed at his
right cheek-bone in a delicate manner, soliloquised for a moment,
and then dashed back into the bar. And it was after the door had
swung to again behind him that the proceedings may have been said
formally to have begun.
What precisely was going on inside that bar I was still too
enfeebled to go and see. It sounded like an earthquake, and no
meagre earthquake at that. All the glassware in the world seemed
to be smashing simultaneously, the populations of several cities
were shouting in unison, and I could almost fancy that I saw the
walls of the building shake and heave. And then somebody blew a
police-whistle.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account