“What do you _do_?” she said.
“I don’t do anything. It isn’t me.”
“I see,” said Milly. “I’ve prayed. You didn’t think I hadn’t?”
“It’s not that—not anything _you_ mean by it. And yet it is; only it’s
more, much more. I can’t explain it. I only know it isn’t me.”
She was beginning to feel vaguely uncomfortable about having told her.
“And, Milly, you mustn’t tell him. Promise me you won’t tell him.”
“No, I won’t tell him.”
“Because, you see, he’d think it was all rot.”
“He would,” said Milly. “It’s the sort of thing he does think rot.”
“And that might prevent its working.”
Milly smiled faintly. “I haven’t the ghost of an idea what ‘it’ is. But
whatever it is, can you go on doing it?”
“Yes, I think so. You see, it depends rather—”
“It depends on what?”
“Oh, on a lot of things—on your sincerity; on your—your purity. It
depends so much on _that_ that it frightens you, lest, perhaps, you
mightn’t, after all, be so very pure.”
Milly smiled again a little differently. “Darling, if that’s all, I’m
not frightened. Only—supposing—supposing you gave out? You might, you
know.”
“_I_ might. But It couldn’t. You mustn’t think it’s me, Milly. Because
if anything happened to me, if I did give out, don’t you see how it
would let him down? It’s as bad as thinking it’s the place.”
“Does it matter what it is—or who it is,” said Milly passionately; “as
long as—” Her tears came and stopped her.
Agatha divined the source of Milly’s passion.
“Then you don’t mind, Milly? You’ll let me go on?” Milly rose; she
turned abruptly, holding her head high, so that she might not spill her
tears.
Agatha went with her over the grey field towards the farm. They paused
at the gate. Milly spoke.
“Are you sure?” she said.
“Certain.”
“And you won’t let go?” Her eyes shone towards her friend’s in the
twilight. “You _will_ go on?”
“_You_ must go on.”
“Ah—how?”
“Believing that he’ll be all right.”
“Oh, Aggy, he was devoted to Winny. And if the child dies—”
VI
The child died three days later. Milly came over to Agatha with the
news.
She said it had been an awful shock, of course. She’d been dreading
something like that for him. But he’d taken it wonderfully. If he came
out of it all right, she _would_ believe in what she called Agatha’s
“thing.”
He did come out of it all right. His behaviour was the crowning proof,
if Milly wanted more proof, of his sanity. He went up to London and made
all the arrangements for his sister. When he returned he forestalled
Milly’s specious consolations with the truth. It was better, he told
her, that the dear little girl should have died, for there was distinct
brain trouble anyway. He took it as a sane man takes a terrible
alternative.
Weeks passed. He had grown accustomed to his own sanity and no longer
marvelled at it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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