[_Here she points dramatically at a stout matron, who fans herself consciously._ ----was the slender form, and the sweet girl-face of our new "School Marm"! Say, boys! hev' ye heard an Æolian harp which a Zephyr's tremulous finger twangs? Wa'al, it kinder thrills ye the way I felt when I first beheld Lobelia Bangs! SOC. CHAT. Oh, you really _ought_ to go--so touching! Dick and I both regularly howled all through the last act.... Not in the _least_, thanks. Well, if there _is_ a seat.... You're sure there _are_ any ices? Then, strawberry, please--no, _nothing_ to drink!... _Will_ you allow me? [Illustration: "I AM ONLY A COWBOY."] ... Told she could dress hair perfectly, but I soon found she was ... a Swedenborgian, my dear, or something horrid.... Haven't you? _I've_ had it three times, and ... so many people have asked me for cards that really I ... had the drains thoroughly looked to, and now they're ... delicious, but rather overpowering in a _room_, I think! &c., &c. MISS F. B. (_with genuine feeling_). Who would imagine one meek-voiced girl could have held her own in a deafening din! But Lobelia's scholars discovered soon she'd a dead-sure notion of discipline; For her satin palm had a sting like steel, and the rowdiest rebel respected her, When she'd stretched out six of the hardest lots in the Bible-Class with a Derringer! SOC. CHAT. No, a very dull party, you could move about quite easily in all the rooms, so we ... kicked the whole concern to shivers and ... came on here as soon as we could.... Capital dinner they _gave_ us too ... &c., &c. MISS F. B. (_with as much conviction as possible under the circumstances_). And the silence deepened; no creature stirred in the stagnant hush, and the only sound Was the far-off lumbering jolt, produced by the prairie rolling for leagues around! SOC. CHAT. (_crescendo_). Oh, an old aunt of mine has gone in for step-dancing--she's had several lessons ... and cut her knees rather badly, y'know, so I put her out to grass ... and now she can sit up and hold a biscuit on her nose ... but she really ought to mix a little grey in her wig! [_&c., &c., to the distraction of the_ UNSOPHISTICATED GUEST, _who is getting quite interested in Lobelia Bangs, whom he suddenly discovers, much to his surprise, on horseback_. MISS F. B. And on we cantered, without a word, in the mid-day heat, on our swift mustangs. I was only ignorant Cowboy Clem--but I worshipped bright Lobelia Bangs! SOC. CHAT. (_fortissimo_). Not for ages; but last time I met him he was ... in a dreadful state, with the cook down with influenza ... and so I suppose he's _married_ her by this time! MISS F. B. (_excitedly_). But hark! in the distance a weird shrill cry, a kinder mournful, monotonous yelp-- (_Further irruption of_ SOCIETY CHATTER) ... is it jackal?--bison?--a cry for help.