["OLE FRED" _plays himself in with a triumphal blast on a tin trumpet, after which he playfully hammers the roof with his stick, as he leans against the door_. OLE FRED. Where's my blanky friend? I 'it 'im one on the jaw, and I ain't seen 'im since! (_Sings, sentimentally, at the top of a naturally powerful voice._) "Comrides, Comrides! Hever since we was boys! Sharin' each other's sorrers. Sharin' each hother's--beer!" [_A "paraprosdokian," which delights him to the point of repetition._ THE O. G. Might I ask you to make a little less disturbance there, Sir? [_Whimpers from over-tired children._ OLE FRED (_roaring_). "I'm jolly as a Sandboy, I'm 'appy as a king! No matter what I see or 'ear, I larf at heverything! I'm the morril of my moth-ar, (_to_ O. G.) the himage of _your_ Par! And heverythink I see or 'ear, it makes me larf 'Ar-har!'" [_He laughs "Ar-har," after which he gives a piercing blast upon the trumpet, with stick obbligato on the roof._ THE O. G. (_roused_). I really _must_ beg you not to be such an infernal nuisance! There are women and children here who---- OLE FRED. Shet up, old umbereller whiskers! (_Screams of laughter from women and children, which encourage him to sing again._) "An' the roof is copper-bottomed, but the chimlies are of gold. In my double-breasted mansion in the Strand!" (_To people on platform, as train stops._) _Come_ in, oh, lor, _do_! "Oi-tiddly-oi-toi! hoi-toi-oy!" [_The rest take up the refrain--"'Ave a drink an' wet your eye," &c. and beat time with their boots._ THE O. G. If this abominable noise goes on, I shall call the guard--disgraceful, coming in drunk like this! THE MAN BY THE WINDOW. 'Ere, dry up, Guv'nor--_'e_ ain't 'ad enough to urt 'im, _'e_ ain't! CHORUS OF FEMALES (_to_ O. G.). An' Bank 'Oliday, too--you orter to be _ashimed_ o' yerself, you ought! 'E's as right as right, if you on'y let him alone! OLE FRED (to O. G.). Ga-arn, yer pore-'arted ole choiner boy! (_sings dismally_), "Ow! for the vanished Spring-toime! Ow! for the dyes gorn boy! Ow! for the"--(_changing the melody_)--"'omeless, I wander in lonely distress. No one ter pity me--none ter caress!" (_Here he sheds tears,_ _overcome by his own pathos, but presently cheers up._) "I dornce all noight! An' I rowl 'ome toight! I'm a rare-un at a rollick, or I'm ready fur a foight." Any man 'ere wanter foight me? Don't say no, ole Frecklefoot! (_To the_ O. G., _who perspires freely_.) "Oh, I _am_ enj'yin' myself!" [_He keeps up this agreeable rattle, without intermission, for the remainder of the journey, which--as the train stops everywhere, and takes quite three-quarters of an hour in getting from Queen's Road, Battersea, to Victoria--affords a signal proof of his social resources, if it somewhat modifies the_ O. G.'S _enthusiasm for the artless gaiety of a Bank Holiday_. A Row in the Pit; or, The Obstructive Hat. SCENE--_The Pit during Pantomime Time. The Overture is beginning._