The tiny blue saucers filled to the borders; silently and rapidly
the tears ran down her cheeks. And suddenly, like the dropping of
the tears,--rushing forth,--words:
"I cannot ... I shall leave you in a moment. I shall never again ...
and I don't care.... Only I want, I must have a child! From you!
Give me a child and I will leave. I will!"
I saw she was trembling all over beneath her unif, and I felt ...
I too, would soon ... would.... I put my hands behind my back and
smiled.
"What? You desire to go under the Machine of the Well-Doer?"
Like a stream her words ran over the dam.
"I don't care. I shall feel it for a while within me. I want to see,
to see only once the little fold of skin here at the wrist, like
that one on the table in the Auditorium. Only for one day!"
Three points: she, I and a little fist with a fluffy fold of skin
there on the table!
I remember how once when I was a child they took me up on the
Accumulating Tower. At the very top I bent over the glass railing
of an opening in the Tower. Below people seemed like dots; my heart
contracted sweetly. "What if...." On that occasion I only clenched
my hands around the railing; now I jumped over.
"So you desire ... being perfectly aware that ..."
Her eyes were closed as if the sun were beating straight into her
face. A wet, shining smile!
"Yes, yes! I want it!"
Quickly I took out the pink check of the other from under the
manuscript and down I went to the controller on duty. O-90 caught
my hand, screamed out something, but what it was I understood only
later, when I returned.
She was sitting on the edge of the bed, hands firmly clasped about
the knees.
"Is it, is it her check?"
"What does it matter? Well, it is hers, yes."
Something cracked. It must have been the springs of the bed, for
O-90 made a slight motion only. She remained sitting, her hands upon
her knees.
"Well, quick...." I roughly pressed her hand. A red spot was left
on her wrist (tomorrow it would become purple), where the fluffy,
infantile fold.... It was the last.... I turned the switch, my
thoughts went out with the light. Darkness, a spark! and I had
jumped over the railing, down....
RECORD TWENTY
Discharge
The Material of a Idea
The Zero Rock
_Discharge_ is the best word for it. Now I see that it was actually
like an electric discharge. The pulse of my last few days had been
becoming dryer and dryer, more and more frequent, more intense.
The opposite poles had been drawing nearer and nearer and already
I could hear the dry crackling; one millimeter more, and--an
explosion! Then silence.
Within me there is quiet now and emptiness like that of a house
after everybody has left, when one lies ill, all alone and hears so
clearly the distinct, metallic, tick-tock of thoughts.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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