sound the place, and had found nothing but earth, soft and yielding--no
fragment of dress had come up on their boat-hooks. It was more endurable
to imagine the child asleep under the snow. When the thaw came they
would find him, and bring him to his own chamber, and lay him again on
his own bed, at least for one last night, till the coffin came up from
Shayton.
How good the child had been! how brutally Ogden felt that he had used
him! Little Jacob had been as forgiving as a dog, and as ready to
respond to the slightest mark of kindness. He had been the light of the
lonely house with his innocent prattle and gayety. Ogden had frightened
him into silence lately, and driven him into the kitchen, where he had
many a time heard him laughing with old Sarah and Jim, and been
unreasonably angry with him for it. Ogden began to see these things in a
different light. "I used him so badly," he thought, "that it was only
natural he should shun and avoid me." And then he felt and knew how much
sweet and pure companionship he had missed. He had not half enjoyed the
blessing he had possessed. He ought to have made himself young again for
the child's sake. Would it have done him any harm to teach little Jacob
cricket, and play at ball with him, or at nine-pins? The boy's life had
been terribly lonely, and his father had done nothing to dissipate or
mitigate its loneliness. And then there came a bitter sense that he had
really loved the child with an immense affection, but that the coldness
and roughness and brutality of his outward behavior had hidden this
affection from his son. In this, however, Mr. Ogden had not been quite
so much to blame as in the agony of his repentance he himself believed.
His self-accusation, like all sincere and genuine self-accusation, had a
touch of exaggeration in it. The wrong that he had done was attributable
quite as much to the temper of the place he lived in as to any peculiar
evil in himself as an individual man. He had spoiled his temper by
drinking, but every male in Shayton did the same; he had been externally
hard and unsympathetic, but the inhabitants of Shayton carried to an
excess the English contempt for the betrayal of the softer emotions. In
all that Ogden had done, in the whole tenor of his life and
conversation, he had merely obeyed the great human instinct of
conformity. Had he lived anywhere else--had he even lived at
Sootythorn--he would have been a different man. Such as he was, he was
the product of the soil, like the hard pears and sour apples that grew
in the dismal garden at Milend.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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