”If I know anything of myself, I shall be much more ready to resign my benefice, when I have had a fair trial of my unprofitableness to the people committed to my care, than I was to accept it. Mr. John Wesley bids me do it without a trial. He will have me ‘see the devil’s snare, and fly from it at the peril of my soul.’ I answer, I cannot see it in that light. He adds, ‘Others may do well in a living; you cannot; it is not your calling.’ I tell him, I readily own that I am not fit to plant or water any part of the Lord’s vineyard; but that _if_ I am called at all, I am called to preach at Madeley, where I was first sent into the ministry, and where a chain of providences, I could not break, has again fastened me; and that, though I may be as unsuccessful as Noah, yet I am determined to try to be there a preacher of Christ’s righteousness; and that, notwithstanding my inability, I am not without hopes, that He who reproved a prophet’s madness by the mouth of an ass, may reprove a collier’s profaneness even by my mouth. ”I reserve for another letter an account of my own soul, and of what begins to be as dear to me as my own soul—_my parish_.”[68] Footnote 68: “Life and Times of the Countess of Huntingdon,” vol. i., p. 238. The other letter, here promised, was written three weeks later. The following is an extract from it:— “TERN, _November 19, 1760_. “I have hitherto written my sermons, but I am carried so far beyond my notes when in the pulpit, that I propose preaching with only my sermon-case in my hand next Friday, when I shall venture on an evening lecture for the first time. I question whether I shall have above half-a-dozen hearers; but I am resolved to try. “The weather and the roads are so bad, that the way to the church is almost impracticable; nevertheless all the seats were full last Sunday. Some begin to come from adjacent parishes, and some more (as they say) _threaten_ to come when the season permits. “I cannot yet discern any deep work, or indeed anything but what will always attend the crying down of man’s righteousness, and the insisting upon Christ’s—I mean a general liking among the poor; and offence, ridicule, and opposition among the ‘reputable’ and ‘wise’ people. Should the Lord vouchsafe to plant the Gospel in this county, my parish seems to be the best spot for the centre of such a work, as it lies among the most populous, profane, and ignorant. “But it is well if, after all, there is _any_ work in my parish. I despair even of this, when I look at myself, and quite fall in with Mr. John Wesley’s opinion about me; though I sometimes hope the Lord has not sent me here for nothing. I am, however, fully determined to resign my living, if the Lord does not think me worthy to be His instrument. I abhor the title of a living for a living’s sake; it is death to me.