There is a second thing you should be realistic about when you do know what you want and what your problems are. Our experiences and what we learn about ourselves _change_ us. If you enter therapy based on your present perceptions of yourself, it is likely that these are going to change to some extent as a result of your experiences in therapy. Does that mean that you cannot plan or select a therapy intelligently? Clearly, it doesn't. _Everyone has to start where he or she is_. There is no other choice. But you should try to persuade yourself to be open to changes in your views and feelings. If you feel rigid about your own perceptions of yourself, it is just possible that your rigidity may be contributing to the problems you want to resolve. As in any attempt to learn or to change, it is important periodically to reevaluate your needs, values, and the results you may have achieved so far. If you select a therapy using the structured {63} approach in this chapter, you may decide to retrace your footsteps a few months in the future. You may find that you would take a different path in the light of what you then see. BEING HONEST ABOUT YOURSELF There is a third piece of realism that I would like you to consider, and this is _very_ hard for anyone to take to heart. If you can, you are a very unusual person. Answering the following questions honestly takes some real courage. But you must ask yourself: "To what extent do I _need_ my present symptoms? Is it useful to me _not_ to have a sense of direction? Am I somehow _benefiting_ from feeling depressed? Is my anxiety _helpful_ to me in some way?" You may think these suggestions are no more than contrived and unkind psychologizing. After all, who _chooses_ to suffer? Does anyone _want_ to wake up at 4:00 A.M. shaking and crying? Yet, again and again, therapists who care very much about their patients find that many of them "cling to their symptoms with the desperation of a drowning man hanging onto a raft."[1] [1] Lewis R. Wolberg, _Hypnosis_ (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1972), p. 238. (In this guide, see Chapter 15, on hypnosis.) For diverse reasons, many people--even people who are suffering greatly--do not _want_ to change. Their unhappiness, pain, and confusion can serve numerous functions. You may not believe this right now, but from time to time as you read this book, and later in your life, this question may occur to you, if only for a moment: "How may this unresolved problem benefit me?"