Young Earnest: The Romance of a Bad Start in LifeCannan, Gilbert
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Young Earnest: The Romance of a Bad Start in Life
Cannan, Gilbert
English fiction -- 20th century
SO far René's success had come from his power to do what had been
expected of him. He had done it without delight or enthusiasm but with
the concentration which came from his lack of interest either in the
past or the future. From the interest of others in himself he had been
able to borrow a little excitement every now and then, but he could
never sustain it. It was not lack of energy, mental or physical, but
rather that, doing what was expected of him, he did it well enough to
lead to further expectation, and this gave him a constant surprise at
himself to keep his existence zestful. He was not altogether
indifferent, but he could accept. He accepted that Linda loved him,
and was equally prepared to accept that she loved him no longer,
subject, of course, to any incidental pain he might suffer. Believing
in everything that happened with no power of definition or
intellectual curiosity, he could never at any given moment realize his
position without reference to others, and therefore, when he found
himself embroiled in this tender, disturbing relationship with Linda
Brock, he needed to bring it to the test of all his other
relationships--with his father, his mother, his brother, M'Elroy,
Kurt, and Professor and Mrs. Smallman. He could not talk about it to
any of them, but he hoped to find in all some appreciation of the new
wonder that had come upon him, and he desired, for his comfort, to
find out what in this new development was expected of him. Here he was
baffled. Everybody was either tactful or insensible. Things inanimate
had changed enormously for him. Streets, houses, trees, had taken on a
new beauty, a friendliness that made room for his emotions; but people
lagged distressfully, and he often had an unhappy sense of leaving
them behind, or, as he talked and listened to them, they would
dwindle. And yet, at the same time, he found them so wonderful that,
in their failure to respond to his need, they seemed to him to be
untrue to their own wonder. He knew not the nature of his need, but he
was left subtly conscious of its being left unsatisfied. He ascribed
his discomfort to his love, and called it "being in love." It gave him
an insatiable desire for Linda's society, presence, contact; a harsh
sensibility to her beauty; an appreciation of her physical qualities
upon which he never dared to think, because it led him back in thought
to the moment of her colloquy with his father when he had felt so
strangely that he and his mother were not of their world. In this
distress his mind could find ease in the idea of marriage. That
settled the future and appointed an end to the force that urged him on
so mysteriously and powerfully; but, accustomed as he was to living
humbly in the present, he needed somehow to escape the isolation into
which the desire for Linda had cast him. He worked harder than he had
ever done, but when he was not working, and issued from the coolness
of that limited mental activity, he was visited by a craving that not
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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