The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
The lawyers' clerks, having been bitten by the linendrapers' shopmen,
have caught the fashionable mania for "shutting up at six," in order to
give them time for that mental cultivation which filling up writs,
attending before the Master, and copying bills of costs, are not likely
to facilitate.
At a recent meeting of some influential articled clerks, and a numerous
body of common-law journeymen, the following resolutions, embodying
reasons for closing attorneys' offices at six, were unanimously agreed
to:—
"1. That the study of history is conducive to the cultivation of the
mind. That the performances at Astley's begin at half-past six, and
it is desirable that the clerks who are anxious to profit by the
dramatic representation of the great historical events of our own
time, should have an opportunity of doing so.
"2. That it is perfectly true the Cider Cellars and the Coal Hole
(where the noblest study of mankind, which is universally allowed to
be man, can be effectually carried on) do not present many
attractive features till after nine in the evening. That,
nevertheless, the cigar divans are in full operation before that
hour; and it is therefore expedient that six should be the time
appointed for the cessation of business.
"3. That stout and devilled kidneys, when introduced into the animal
system too late at night, are liable to impede the action of the
digestive organs, and impair the intellectual faculties, thus
depriving the employer of the full benefit of the clerk's shrewdness
and activity. It is, therefore, of the last importance that, by an
early release from business, the stout and kidneys may be absorbed
by the gastric juices, and the gases given off, by evaporation, in
sufficient time to enable the clerk to devote a _mens sana in
corpore sano_ by ten o'clock in the morning, to the best interests
of his principal.
"4. That the Surrey Zoological Gardens afford opportunities for the
study of natural history, which can only be followed up by daylight.
That the habits of the bear, the tiger, and other animals, cannot be
said to be without interest to an attorney's clerk; and that the
knowledge of how certain savage creatures secure their prey may
hereafter be of great service in the practice of the legal
profession. It is consequently obvious that the lawyers' clerks
should be enabled to profit by so valuable a lesson.
"5. That the shooting galleries are seldom open after eight, and
that the knowledge of the use of powder and shot is essential to a
lawyer, as he will often be called upon by a client to decide
whether a defendant is worth the articles alluded to.
"6. That there are many other occasions when, by an early closing of
the office, the lawyer's clerk will have an opportunity of being
present at some—"
[Illustration:
BRITISH ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENCE.
]
[Illustration:
STIRRING UP THE GREAT FIRE OF LONDON.
]