Deadlock : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 6 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Deadlock : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 6
John Stuart Mill · en
“That is too superficial. Pardon me, but it implies a too slight
knowledge of what has been in the past and what still persists in
various developmental stages.” Miriam felt about among the statements
which occurred to her in rapid succession, all contradicting each other.
Yet somebody in the world believed each one of them...... Mr. Shatov was
gravely waiting, as if for her agreement with what he had just said. Far
away below her clashing thoughts was something she wanted to express,
something he did not know, and that yet she felt he might be able to
shape for her if only she could present it. But between her and this
reality was the embarrassment of a mind that could produce nothing but
quotations. She had no mind of her own. It seemed to be there when she
was alone; only because there was no need to express anything. In speech
she could produce only things other people had said and with which she
did not agree. None of them expressed the underlying thing..... Why had
she not brought down Maeterlinck?
Mr. Shatov’s quiet waiting had ended in a flow of eager talk. She turned
unwillingly. Even he could go on, leaving things unfinished, talking
about something else...... But his mind was steady. The things that were
there would not drop away. She would be able to consider them ...
watching the effect of the light of other minds upon the things that
floated in her own mind; so dreadfully _few_ now that he was beginning
to look at them; and all ending with the images of people who had said
them, or the bindings of books where she had found them set down ......
yet she felt familiar with all points of view. Every generalisation gave
her the clue to the speaker’s mind .... wanting to hear no more, only to
criticise what was said by pointing out, whether she agreed with it or
no, the opposite point of view......
She smiled encouragingly towards his talk, hurriedly summoning an
appearance of attention into her absent eyes while she contemplated his
glowing pallor and the gaze of unconscious wide intelligence, shining
not only towards her own, but also with such undisturbed intentness upon
what he was describing. She could think later on, next year, when he had
gone away leaving her to confront her world with a fresh armoury. As
long as he stayed, he would be there, without effort or encouragement
from her, filling her spare hours with his untired beauty, drawing her
along his carefully spun English phrases, away from personal
experiences, into a world going on independently of them; unaware of the
many scattered interests waiting for her beyond this shabby room, and
yet making them shine as he talked, newly alight with rich superfluous
impersonal fascination, no longer isolated, but vivid parts of a whole,
growing more and more intelligible as he carried her further and further
into a life he saw so distinctly, that he made it hers, too quickly for
her to keep account of the inpouring wealth.....