Revolving lights : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 7 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Revolving lights : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 7
John Stuart Mill · en
The street swayed about her. She held on, forcing her limbs; passing
into emptiness. The sounds of the world were very far away; but within
their muffled faintness she heard her own free voice, and his, cheerful
and impersonal, sounding on through life. With the breath of this
release she touched the realization that some day, he would meet, along
a pathway unknown to her and in a vision different from her own, the
same truth.... What truth? God? The old male prison, whether men were
atheists or believers?... The whole of the truth of which her joy and
her few certainties were a part, innocently conveyed to him by someone
with a character that would win him to attend. Then he would remember
the things they had lost in speech. The enlightener would not argue.
Conviction would come to him by things taken for granted.
Clear demonstration is at once fooled.... All _men_ in explanatory
speech about _life_, have at once either in the face, or in the
unconscious rest of them, a look of shame. Because they are not living,
but calculating.... Women who are not living ought to spend all their
time cracking jokes. In a rotten society women grow witty; making a
heaven while they wait....
But if from this far cool place where she now was, she breathed deep and
let mirth flow out, he would _never_ go.
* * * * *
At the very beginning of the afternoon Miriam was isolated with Madame
Lintoff. Forced to walk ahead with her, as if companionably, between the
closed shop-fronts and the dismal gutter of Oxford Street, while her
real place, at Michael's side, with Lintoff beyond, or side by side with
Lintoff, and Michael beyond, was empty, and the two men walked alone,
exchanging, without interference, one-sided, masculine views.
She listened to Madame's silence. For all her indifference, she must
have had some sort of bright anticipation of her first outing in London.
And this was the outing. A walk, along a grey pavement, in raw grey air,
under a heavy sky, with an Englishwoman who had no conversation.
Most people began with questions. But there was no question she wanted
to ask Madame Lintoff.... She knew her too well. During the short night
she had become a familiar part of the picture of life; one of the
explanations of the way things went.... Yet it was inhospitable to leave
her with no companion but the damp motionless air.