The tunnel : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 4 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The tunnel : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 4
John Stuart Mill · en
"Ourselves. Rising on the ashes of our dead selves. Lord, it's
midnight----"
The chill of the outside night, solitude and her cold empty room....
"I'm going to bed."
"So am I. We shall be in bed, Miriam, five minutes after you have gone."
Jan went off for the hot water bottles.
"All right, I'm going----" Miriam bent for her shoes. The soles were
dry, scorching; they scorched her feet as she forced on the shoes; one
sole cracked across as she put her foot to the ground ... she braced the
muscles of her face and said nothing. It must be forgotten before she
left the room that they were nearly new and her only pair; two horrid
ideas, nagging and keeping things away.
8
Outside in the air daylight grew strong and clear in Miriam's mind.
Patches of day came in a bright sheen from the moonlit puddles,
distributed over the square. She crossed the road to the narrow pathway
shadowed by the trees that ran round the long oblong enclosure. From
this dark pathway the brightness of the wet moonlit roadway was brighter
and she could see façades that caught the moonlight. There was something
trying to worry her, some little thing that did not matter at all, but
that some part of her had put away to worry over and was now wanting to
consider. Mag's affairs ... no she had decided about that. It might be
true about blunted sensibilities; but she had meant for some reason to
let that other man kiss her, and people never ask advice until they have
made up their minds what they are going to do and Mag was Mag quite
apart from anything that might happen. She would still be Mag if she
were old ... or mad. That was a firm settled real thing, real and
absolute in the daylight of the moonlit square. She wandered slowly on
humming a tune; every inch of the way would be lovely. The figure of a
man in an overcoat and a bowler hat loomed towards her on the narrow
pathway and stopped. The man raised his hat, and his face showed smiling
with the moonlight on it. Miriam had a moment's fear; but the man's
attitude was deprecating and there was her song; it was partly her own
fault. But why why ... fierce anger at the recurrence of this kind of
occurrence seized her. She wanted him out of the way and wanted him to
know how angry she was at the interruption.
"Well," she snapped angrily, coming to a standstill in the moonlit gap.
"Oh" said the man a little breathlessly in a lame broken tone, "I
thought you were going this way."
"So I am," retorted Miriam in a loud angry shaking tone, "obviously."
The man stepped quickly into the gutter and walked quickly away across
the road. St. Pancras church chimed the quarter.