Beside him was a Cockney of the Middlesex Regiment, with a silk hat on his head, whose cheeks threatened to burst as he churned out the strains of "Alexander's Rag-time Band" on the bagpipes. Being a bit of a piper himself, he was giving "Jock" a lift and was incidentally the means of fetching this little band away from the clutches of the enemy.--_"Buster" Brown (late Bedfordshire Regt.), Hertford._ Two Heads and a Bullet Early in 1916 ten of us were going up with rations--chiefly bread and water. In one part of the trench there were no duckboards and the vile mud was thigh-deep. Here we abandoned the trench and stumbled along, tripping over barbed wire and falling headlong into shell-holes half-full of icy water. A German sniper was at work. Suddenly a bullet pinged midway between the last two of the party. "Hear that?" said No. 9. "Right behind my neck!" "Yes," replied No. 10, "right in front of my bloomin' nose!"--_C. A. Davies (late 23rd R. Fusiliers), 85 Saxton Street, Gillingham, Kent._ Spoiling the Story We were billeted in the upper room of a corner house north of Albert, and were listening to "Spoofer's" memories of days "dahn Walworf way." "Yus," he said, "I ses to the gal, 'Two doorsteps an' a bloater.'" At that moment a "coal-box" caught the corner of the house, bringing down the angle of the wall and three-parts of the floor on which we had squatted. Except for bruises, none of us was injured, and when the dust subsided we saw "Spoofer" looking down at us from a bit of the flooring that remained intact. "Yus," he continued, as though nothing had happened, "as I was saying, I'd just called fer the bloater...." Came another "coal-box," which shook down the remainder of the floor and with it "Spoofer." Struggling to his hands and knees, he said, "Blimey, the blinkin' bloater's cold nah."--_F. Lates, 62 St. Ervan's Road, North Kensington._ Afraid of Dogs Towards the end of October 1918 I was out on patrol in front of Tournai on a dark, windy night. I had a Cockney private with me, and we were some distance from our lines when we heard a dog barking. All at once, before I could stop him, the Cockney whistled it. I threw the Cockney down and dropped myself. A German Verey light went up--followed by a hail of machine-gun bullets in our direction. As the light spread out, we saw the dog fastened to a German machine-gun! We lay very still, and presently, when things had quietened down, we slid cautiously backwards until it was safe to get up. All the Cockney said was, "Crikey, corp, I had the wind up. A blinkin' good job that there dawg was chained up. Why? 'Cause 'e might 'ave bitten us. I allus was afeard o' dawgs."--_J. Milsun (late 1/5th Battn., The King's Own 55th Div.), 31 Collingwood Road, Lexden, Colchester._ The Song of Battle