"Serve 'em right," said Joe, "they started the blinkin' war."--_Robert Donald Marshall (late Piper, 1st Bn. London Scottish), 83 Cranley Drive, Ilford._ Met His Match A London Tommy was standing near the leave boat at Calais, which had just brought him back to France on his way to the firing line. It was raining, and he was trying to get a damp cigarette to draw. Just then a French soldier approached him with an unlighted cigarette in his hand, and, pointing to Tommy's cigarette, held out his hand and exclaimed "Allumette?" [Illustration: Poilu: "Allumette?" Tommy: "'Allo, mate." (Shakes.)] The Tommy sadly shook hands and replied "Allo, Mate."--_A. J. Fairer, Mirigama, Red Down Road, Coulsdon, Surrey._ Why Jerry was "Clinked" On August 8, 1918, as our battery began the long trail which landed us in Cologne before Christmas we met a military policeman who had in his charge three very dejected-looking German prisoners. "Brummy," our battery humorist, shouted to the red-cap: "'Ullo, Bobby, what are yer clinkin' those poor old blokes for?" "Creatin' a disturbance on the Western Front," replied the red-cap.--_Wm. G. Sheppard (late Sergeant, 24th Siege Bty., R.A.), 50 Benares Road, Plumstead, S.E.18._ Stick-in-the-Mud We were in reserve at Roclincourt in February 1917, and about twenty men were detailed to carry rations to the front line. The trenches were knee-deep in mud. After traversing about two hundred yards of communication trench we struck a particularly thick, clayey patch, and every few yards the order "Halt in front!" was passed from the rear. The corporal leading the men got very annoyed at the all-too-frequent halts. He passed the word back, "What's the matter?" The reply was, "Shorty's in the mud, and we can't get 'im out." Waiting a few minutes, the corporal again passed a message back: "Haven't you got him out yet? How long are you going to be?" Reply came from the rear in a Cockney voice: "'Eaven knows! There's only 'is ears showin'."--_G. Kay, 162 Devonshire Avenue, Southsea, Hants._ "If _That_ can stick it, _I_ can!" Owing to the forced marching during the retreat from Mons, men would fall out by the roadside and, after a rest, carry on again. One old soldier, "Buster" Smith, was lying down puffing and gasping when up rode an officer mounted upon an old horse that he had found straying. Going up to "Buster" the officer asked him if he thought he could "stick it." "Buster" looked up at the officer and then, eyeing the horse, said: "If _that_ can stick it, _I_ can," and, getting up, he resumed marching.--_E. Barwick, 19 St. Peter's Street, Hackney Road, E.2._ Wheeling a Mule In November '15 we were relieved in the early hours of the morning. It had been raining, raining most of the time we were in the trenches, and so we were more or less wet through and covered in mud when we came out for a few days' rest.