'My boy, my poor boy!' Mrs Holt was on her knees by the side of the
motionless figure.
Victoria began to weep, silently at first, then noisily. Mrs Holt
started at the sound, then jumped to her feet with a cry of rage.
'Stop that crying,' she commanded. 'How dare you? How dare you?'
Victoria went on crying, the sobs choking her.
'A murderess,' Mrs Holt went on. 'You took my boy away; you corrupted
him, ruined him, killed him. You're a vile thing; nobody should touch
you, you. . . .'
Victoria pulled herself together.
'It's not my fault,' she stumbled. 'I didn't know.'
'Didn't know,' sneered Mrs Holt, 'as if a woman of your class didn't
know.'
'That's enough,' snarled Victoria. 'I've had enough. Understand? I
didn't want your son. He wanted me. That's all over. He bought me, and
now you think the price too heavy. I've been heaven to him who only knew
misery. He's not to be pitied, unless it be because his mistress hands
him over to his mother.'
'How dare you?' cried Mrs Holt again, a break in her voice as she pitied
her outraged motherhood.
'It's you who've killed him; you, the family, Rawsley, Bethlehem, your
moral laws, your religion. It's you who starved him, ground him down
until he lost all sense of measure, desired nothing but love and life.'
'You killed him, though,' said the mother.
'Perhaps. I didn't want to. I was . . . fond of him. But how can I help
it? And supposing I did? What of it? Yes, what of it? Who was your son
but a man?'
'My son?'
'Your son. A distinction, not a title. Your son bears part of the
responsibility of making me what I am. He came last but he might have
come first, and I tell you that the worker of the eleventh hour is
guilty equally with the worker of the first. Your son was nothing and I
nothing but pawns in the game, little figures which the Society you're
so proud of shifts and breaks. He bought my womanhood; he contributed to
my degradation. What else but degradation did you offer me?'
Mrs Holt was weeping now.
'I am a woman, and the world has no use for me. Your Society taught me
nothing. Or rather it taught me to dance, to speak a foreign language
badly, to make myself an ornament, a pleasure to man. Then it threw me
down from my pedestal, knowing nothing, without a profession, a trade, a
friend, or a penny. And then your Society waved before my eyes the
lily-white banner of purity, while it fed me and treated me like a dog.
When I gave it what it wanted, for there's only one thing it wants from
a woman whom nothing has been taught but that which every woman knows,
then it covered me with gifts. A curse on your Society. A Society of
men, crushing, grinding down women, sweating their labour, starving
their brains, urging them on to the surrender of what makes a woman
worth while. Ah . . . ah. . . .'
Breath failed her. Mrs Holt was weeping silently in her hands in utter
abandonment.
'I'm going,' said Victoria hoarsely. She picked up a handkerchief and
dabbed her eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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