Smith, I wish you a very good morning."
Legal biography abounds with ghastly stories that illustrate the
insensibility with which the hanging judges in past generations used to
don the black cap jauntily, and smile at the wretched beings whom they
sentenced to death. Perhaps of all such anecdotes the most thoroughly
sickening is that which describes the conduct of Jeffreys, when, as
Recorder of London, he passed sentence of death on his old and familiar
friend, Richard Langhorn, the Catholic barrister--one of the victims of
the Popish Plot phrensy. It is recorded that Jeffreys, not content with
consigning his friend to a traitor's doom, malignantly reminded him of
their former intercourse, and with devilish ridicule admonished him to
prepare his soul for the next world. The authority which gives us this
story adds, that by thus insulting a wretched gentleman and personal
associate, Jeffreys, instead of rousing the disgust of his auditors,
elicited their enthusiastic applause.
In a note to a passage in one of the Waverley Novels, Scott tells a
story of an old Scotch judge, who, as an enthusiastic chess-player, was
much mortified by the success of an ancient friend, who invariably beat
him when they tried their powers at the beloved game. After a time the
humiliated chess-player had his day of triumph. His conqueror happened
to commit murder, and it became the judge's not altogether painful duty
to pass upon him the sentence of the law. Having in due form and with
suitable solemnity commended his soul to the divine mercy, he, after a
brief pause, assumed his ordinary colloquial tone of voice, and nodding
humorously to his old friend, observed--"And noo, Jammie, I think ye'll
alloo that I hae checkmated you for ance."
Of all the bloodthirsty wearers of the ermine, no one, since the opening
of the eighteenth century, has fared worse than Sir Francis Page--the
virulence of whose tongue and the cruelty of whose nature were marks for
successive satirists. In one of his Imitations of Horace, Pope says--
"Slanderer, poison dread from Delia's rage,
Hard words or hanging, if your judge be Page."
In the same spirit the poet penned the lines of the 'Dunciad'--
"Mortality, by her false guardians drawn,
Chicane in furs, and Casuistry in lawn,
Gasps, as they straighten at each end the cord,
And dies, when Dulness gives her----the Sword."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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