Dreiser, Theodore, 1871-1945; Journalists -- United States -- Biography; Novelists, American -- 20th century -- Biography
To pick up the thread of my narrative, I saw Miss Ginity at breakfast,
but she showed no sign that we had been out together the previous
evening. Instead, she went on her way briskly as though nothing had
happened, and this made her rather alluring again in my eyes. When Miss
W—— came down I suffered a slight revulsion of feeling: she was so fresh
and innocent, so spiritually and mentally above any such quick and
compromising relationship as that which I and my new acquaintance had
established the night before. I planned to be more circumspect in my
relations with Miss Ginity and to pay more attention to Miss W——.
This plan was facilitated by the way in which the various members of the
party now grouped and adjusted themselves. Miss W—— and her sister
seemed to prefer to go about together, with me as an occasional third,
and Miss Ginity and several of her new acquaintances made a second
company, with whom I occasionally walked. Thus the distribution of my
attentions was in no danger of immediate detection and I went gayly on.
A peculiar characteristic at this time and later was that I never really
expected any of these relationships to endure. Marriage might be well
enough for the average man but it never seemed to me that I should
endure in it, that it would permanently affect my present free
relationship with the world. I might be greatly grieved at times in a
high emotional way because they could not last, but that was rising to
heights of sentiment which puzzled even myself. One of the things which
troubled and astonished me was that I could like two, three, and even
more women at the same time, like them very much indeed. It seemed
strange that I could yearn over them, now one and now another. A good
man, I told myself, would not do this. The thought would never occur to
him, or if it did he would repress it sternly. Obviously, if not
profoundly evil I was a freak and had best keep my peculiar thoughts and
desires to myself if I wanted to have anything to do with good people. I
should be entirely alone, perhaps even seized upon by the law.
During the next two weeks I saw much of both Miss W—— and Miss Ginity.
By day I usually accompanied Miss W—— and her sister from place to place
about the grounds and of an evening strolled with Miss Ginity, all the
while wondering if Miss W—— really liked me, whether her present feeling
was likely to turn to something deeper. I felt a very definite point of
view in her, very different from mine. In her was none of the
variability that troubled me: if ever a person was fixed in conventional
views it was she. One life, one love would have answered for her
exactly. She could have accepted any condition, however painful or even
degrading, providing she was bolstered up by what she considered the
moral law. “To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in poverty
and in riches, until death do us part.” I think the full force of these
laws must have been imbibed with her mother’s milk.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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