When Saturday night came he looked back over his week with regret and
shame. The date fixed for his presenting his sketch to the manager was
now only eight days off, and he was practically no further advanced
in his preparation than on the day when his friend brought him the
delightful news that that elusive personage had consented to make the
appointment. He had wasted the past week in a foolish day-dream, as
profitless as it was absurd. Yet he smiled to himself at the reflection
that his day-dream had at least been amusing. It had been like creating
a story or the plot for a play; and with a characteristically bachelor
thought, he added to himself that it was at least less dangerous to play
with visions of fortune than of love, and quite as sensible.
He could not, on the whole, however, be satisfied with the result of
his week, and he determined to have no more of this folly. He must
set to work in earnest, and he resented the consciousness which
forced itself upon him that his lonely life and imaginative turn made
it possible for him to fall into vagaries which to the practical
common-sense of mankind in general would be held to indicate anything
but a sound mind. He started up suddenly and gathered all the papers
upon which were recorded his unlucky stock transactions, and began to
thrust them into the stove. He would make an end of the whole foolish
business. And yet, so far from entirely burning his ships, he at least
left for himself a little boat in which to continue his explorations
into the delusive regions of financial fairy-land, since he saved the
one slip which contained the statement of the present condition of his
much-diminished fortune. He condescended to the weak, but eminently
human trick of attempting to humbug himself in regard to his reasons
for doing so. He said to himself, exactly as if he were explaining to
another person, that the bit of paper would serve as a warning to him,
should he ever be tempted to indulge in so idiotic a diversion again;
and he added, as if to quiet the least suspicion that he meant to use
the memorandum, that the morrow being Sunday there would be no market
with which he could play.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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