In the first act, Rosencrantz, who has never seen Hamlet (apparently, because the former has been abroad), asks Ophelia what the Prince is like, and that gives Mr. Gilbert an opportunity for some characteristic satire. Ophelia says of Hamlet that he is "alike for no two seasons at a time":-- Sometimes he's tall--sometimes he's very short-- Now with black hair--now with a flaxen wig-- Sometimes an English accent--then a French-- Then English with a strong provincial "burr." Once an American and once a Jew-- But Danish never, take him how you will! And, strange to say, whate'er his tongue may be, Whether he's dark or flaxen--English--French-- Though we're in Denmark, A. D. ten--six--two-- He always dresses as King James the First! _Guild._ Oh, he is surely mad! _Oph._ Well, there again Opinion is divided. Some men hold That he's the sanest far of all sane men-- Some that he's really sane, but shamming mad-- Some that he's really mad, but shamming sane-- Some that he will be mad, some that he _was_-- Some that he couldn't be! But, on the whole (As far as I can make out what they mean), The favourite theory's somewhat like this: Hamlet is idiotically sane With lucid intervals of lunacy. In the second act, the Queen, observing that Hamlet is about to soliloquise, urges Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to "prevent this, gentlemen, by any means":-- Anticipate his points, And follow out his argument for him; Thus you will cut the ground from 'neath his feet, And leave him nought to say. The result is as follows:-- _Enter_ Hamlet; _he stalks to a chair, throws himself into it_. _Ham._ To be--or not to be! _Ros._ (R. _of chair_) Yes--that's the point! Whether he's bravest who will cut his throat Rather than suffer all-- _Guild._ (L. _of chair_) Or suffer all Rather than cut his throat? _Ham._ (_annoyed at interruption, resumes_) To die--to sleep---- _Ros._ It's nothing more--Death is but sleep spun out-- Why hesitate? (_Offers him a dagger_.) _Guild._ The only question is Between the choice of deaths which death to choose. (_Offers another_.) _Ham._ (_in great terror_) Do take these dreadful things away. They make My blood run cold. (_Resumes_) To sleep, perchance to---- _Ros._ Dream. That's very true. I never dream myself, But Guildenstern dreams all night long out loud. _Guild._ With blushes, sir, I do confess it true! _Ham._ This question, gentlemen, concerns me not. (_Resumes_) For who would bear the whips and scorns of time---- _Ros._ (_as guessing a riddle_) _Who'd_ bear the whips and scorns? Now let me see. Who'd bear them, eh? _Guild._ (_same business_) Who'd bear the _scorns_ of time----