English drama -- Early modern and Elizabethan, 1500-1600
_Un_. Hee's able to mull the _Thames_ well, for my owne part would
Mistresse _Dorothy_ were here to open her files.
_Cou_. Did you not name a woman. I will have no mention of any thing
that's female.
_Un_. May not a man talke of Sack?
_Cap_. Sack is a soveraigne medicine.
_Un_. Oh very Soveraigne.
_Cap_. Is it not _hic et hec_ sack, both for he and she. Stay, is my
Countryman gone? come hither, _Thomas_; do you thinke I am drunke?
_Tho_. Truly, Captaine, I cannot tell.
_Cap_. You cannot tell? there's your ignorance. Drink is a vice I am as
little given to as another man, for I doe abhorre it in my selfe. I do
wonder how any reasonable man can be drunk; therefore every wise man
take Counsell and example by me, and he may see very plainely what an
odious thing it is; for you must follow your leader, and vertue, which
is an Antient--
_Tho_. Vertue an Antient?
_Cap_. I, an Antient old gentlewoman that is growne very poore, and
nobodie knowes where she dwells very hard to find her out, especially
for a Capt.; you will find it very difficult for a Livetenent. But wee
will endeavour the best wee can; you see my courses, I have travel'd to
find her out, and I could never yet see her at a baudihouse.
_Un_. Who is to be seene at a baudihouse? to the right hand countermarch.
_Tho_. He talkes of vertue, sir.
_Un_. Vertue? she never comes there; why do you thinke she should be
there, Captaine?
_Cap_. Why, because she is an old gentlewoman and might keepe the house.
_Tho_. Alas, Captaine, Mistris _Vertue_ is poore and leane.
_Cap_. Nay, then she is not fit to be a baud, but tell me did you ever
see her, or if so did you ever doo't with her?
_Un_. No, but twas none of my fault; I know not what I may do in time
when she understands the wordes of Command.
_Tho_. He does not meane Mistris _Dorothy_: but, Captaine, I would faine
know the reason why your baudes are so fat still.
_Cap_. A plaine case: they lie fallow and get hart, then they keepe
themselves so in health and so soluble with stewd prunes; and then
sipping of sack is a great matter to fatten 'em. But they are as good
people as a man shall keepe company withall, and bring up the young
gentlewomen so vertuously. I came into one of their houses tother day
for a carreere, and I found the baud sick upon her death bed, very
religious and much given to repentance for those poore sins she had
comitted. When she had taken order for her soule, she told me the young
gentlewoman I look'd for was in the next roome; and desiring her upon
her blessing to give me content, she turnes herselfe to the wall and
gives up the ghost very privatly, because she was loth to trouble us.
_Un_. By your relation theis appeare to be very good people. What if we
went to visit one of these Matrons? I have a great mind--
_Cap_. Wy, now you speake like an understanding soldier, and one that
may come to something in the end. Lett us therefore march on.
_Un_. March on to _Venus_ Warres.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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