The sudden outbreak of so many tongues in that dumb chamber staggered
him. He began to bestir himself, going to and fro with the candle,
beleaguered by moving shadows, and startled to the soul by chance
reflections. In many rich mirrors, some of home designs, some from
Venice or Amsterdam, he saw his face repeated and repeated, as it were
an army of spies; his own eyes met and detected him; and the sound of
his own steps, lightly as they fell, vexed the surrounding quiet. And
still as he continued to fill his pockets, his mind accused him, with a
sickening iteration[7], of the thousand faults of his design. He should
have chosen a more quiet hour; he should have prepared an alibi; he
should not have used a knife; he should have been more cautious, and
only bound and gagged the dealer, and not killed him; he should have
been more bold, and killed the servant also; he should have done all
things otherwise; poignant regrets, weary, incessant toiling of the
mind to change what was unchangeable, to plan what was now useless, to
be the architect of the irrevocable past. Meanwhile, and behind all
this activity, brute terrors, like the scurrying of rats in a deserted
attic, filled the more remote chambers of his brain with riot; the hand
of the constable would fall heavy on his shoulder, and his nerves would
jerk like a hooked fish; or he beheld, in galloping defile, the dock,
the prison, the gallows, and the black coffin. Terror of the people in
the street sat down before his mind like a besieging army. It was
impossible, he thought, but that some rumor of the struggle must have
reached their ears and set on edge their curiosity; and now, in all the
neighboring houses, he divined them sitting motionless and with
uplifted ear—solitary people, condemned to spend Christmas dwelling
alone on memories of the past, and now startlingly recalled from that
tender exercise: happy family parties, struck into silence round the
table, the mother still with raised finger; every degree and age and
humor, but all, by their own hearths, prying and hearkening and weaving
the rope that was to hang him. Sometimes it seemed to him he could not
move too softly; the clink of the tall Bohemian goblets rang out loudly
like a bell; and alarmed by the bigness of the ticking, he was tempted
to stop the clocks. And then, again, with a swift transition of his
terrors, the very silence of the place appeared a source of peril, and
a thing to strike and freeze the passer-by; and he would step more
boldly, and bustle aloud among the contents of the shop, and imitate,
with elaborate bravado, the movements of a busy man at ease in his own
house.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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