A Counterfeit Presentment; and, The Parlour CarHowells, William Dean
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A Counterfeit Presentment; and, The Parlour Car
Howells, William Dean
American drama -- 19th century; Man-woman relationships -- Drama
_Cummings._--"Go on? You saw yourself, I suppose, how she hung upon
every syllable you spoke, every look, every gesture?"
_Bartlett._--"Yes, I saw it."
_Cummings._--"You saw how completely crushed she was by your tone and
manner. You're not blind. Upon my word, Bartlett, if I didn't know what
a good, kind-hearted fellow you are, I should say you were the greatest
ruffian alive."
_Bartlett_, with a groan.--"Go on! That's something like."
_Cummings._--"I couldn't hear what was going on--I'll own I tried--but I
could see; and to see the delicate _amende_ she was trying to offer you,
in such a way that it should not seem an amende,--a perfect study of a
woman's gracious, unconscious art,--and then to see your sour refusal of
it all, it made me sick."
_Bartlett_, with a desperate clutch at his face, like a man oppressed
with some stifling vapour.--"Yes, yes! I saw it all, too! And if it had
been for _me_, I would have given anything for such happiness. Oh,
gracious powers! How dear she is! I would rather have suffered any
anguish than give her pain, and yet I gave her pain! I knew how it
entered her heart: I felt it in my own. But what could I do? If I am to
be myself, if I am not to steal the tenderness meant for another man,
the _love_ she shows to me because I'm like somebody else, I _must_ play
the brute. But have a little mercy on me. At least, I'm a _baited_
brute. I don't know which way to turn, I don't know what to do. She's so
dear to me,--so dear in every tone of her voice, every look of her eyes,
every aspiration or desire of her transparent soul, that it seems to me
my whole being is nothing but a thought of her. I loved her
helplessness, her pallor, her sorrow; judge how I adore her return to
something like life! Oh, you blame me! You simplify this infernal
perplexity of mine and label it brutality, and scold me for it. Great
heaven! And yet you saw, you heard how she entered this room. In that
instant the old illusion was back on her, and _I_ was nothing. All that
I had been striving and longing to be to her, and hoping and despairing
to seem, was swept out of existence; I was reduced to a body without a
soul, to a shadow, a counterfeit! You think I resented it? Poor girl, I
_pitied_ her so; and my own heart all the time like lead in my
breast,--a dull lump of ache! I swear, I wonder I don't go mad. I
suppose--why, I suppose I _am_ insane. No man in his senses was ever
bedevilled by such a maniacal hallucination. Look here, Cummings: tell
me that this damnable coil isn't simply a matter of my own fancy. It'll
be some little relief to know that it's _real_."
_Cummings._--"It's real enough, my dear fellow. And it _is_ a
trial,--more than I could have believed such a fantastic thing could
be."
_Bartlett._--"Trial? Ordeal by fire! Torment! I can't stand it any
longer."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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