"Oh, this is bitterness indeed--a bitterness you cannot know," she
resumed after a while. "For you and for others there is always the
refuge of death from continued sufferings: the brief pang of
dissolution, bravely met, is nothing in comparison with a lingering
agony like mine, with its long days and longer nights, extending to
years, and that great blackness of the end ever before the mind. This
only a mother can know, since the horror of utter darkness, and vain
clinging to life, even when it has ceased to have any hope or joy in it,
is the penalty she must pay for her higher state."
I could not understand all her words, and only murmured in reply: "You
are young to speak of death."
"Yes, young; that is why it is so bitter to think of. In old age the
feelings are not so keen." Then suddenly she put out her hands towards
me, and, when I offered mine, caught my fingers with a nervous grasp and
drew herself to a sitting position. "Ah, why must I be afflicted with a
misery others have not known!" she exclaimed excitedly. "To be lifted
above the others, when so young; to have one child only; then after so
brief a period of happiness, to be smitten with barrenness, and this
lingering malady ever gnawing like a canker at the roots of life! Who
has suffered like me in the house? You only, Isarte, among the dead. I
will go to you, for my grief is more than I can bear; and it may be that
I shall find comfort even in speaking to the dead, and to a stone. Can
you bear me in your arms?" she said, clasping me round the neck. "Take
me up in your arms and carry me to Isarte."
I knew what she meant, having so recently heard the story of Isarte, and
in obedience to her command I raised her from the couch. She was tall,
and heavier than I had expected, though so greatly emaciated; but the
thought that she was Yoletta's mother, and the mother of the house,
nerved me to my task, and cautiously moving step by step through the
gloom, I carried her safely to that white-haired, moonlit woman of stone
in the long gallery. When I had ascended the steps and brought her
sufficiently near, she put her arms about the statue, and pressed its
stony lips with hers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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