During the last days employed by the legal formalities required before
proceeding to arrest for debt, Raoul went about, in spite of himself,
with that coldly sullen and morose expression of face which may be
noticed in persons who are either fated to commit suicide or are
meditating it. The funereal ideas they are turning over in their minds
appear upon their foreheads in gray and cloudy tints, their smile has
something fatalistic in it, their motions are solemn. These unhappy
beings seem to want to suck the last juices of the life they mean to
leave; their eyes see things invisible, their ears are listening to a
death-knell, they pay no attention to the minor things about them. These
alarming symptoms Marie perceived one evening at Lady Dudley’s. Raoul
was sitting apart on a sofa in the boudoir, while the rest of the
company were conversing in the salon. The countess went to the door, but
he did not raise his head; he heard neither Marie’s breathing nor the
rustle of her silk dress; he was gazing at a flower in the carpet, with
fixed eyes, stupid with grief; he felt he had rather die than abdicate.
All the world can’t have the rock of Saint Helena for a pedestal.
Moreover, suicide was then the fashion in Paris. Is it not, in fact, the
last resource of all atheistical societies? Raoul, as he sat there, had
decided that the moment had come to die. Despair is in proportion to our
hopes; that of Raoul had no other issue than the grave.
“What is the matter?” cried Marie, flying to him.
“Nothing,” he answered.
There is one way of saying that word “nothing” between lovers which
signifies its exact contrary. Marie shrugged her shoulders.
“You are a child,” she said. “Some misfortune has happened to you.”
“No, not to me,” he replied. “But you will know all soon enough, Marie,”
he added, affectionately.
“What were you thinking of when I came in?” she asked, in a tone of
authority.
“Do you want to know the truth?” She nodded. “I was thinking of you; I
was saying to myself that most men in my place would have wanted to be
loved without reserve. I am loved, am I not?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“And yet,” he said, taking her round the waist and kissing her forehead
at the risk of being seen, “I leave you pure and without remorse. I
could have dragged you into an abyss, but you remain in all your glory
on its brink without a stain. Yet one thought troubles me--”
“What is it?” she asked.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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