"Yes. Your Elfrida and I had a sort of friendship too--it
began, as you know, in Paris. And I was quite aware that
one does not have an ordinary friendship with her--it
accedes and it exacts more than the common relation. And
I've sometimes made myself uncomfortable with the idea
that she gave me credit for a more faultless conception
of her than I possessed; for the honest, brutal truth
is, I'm afraid, that I've only been working her out.
When the portrait was finished I found that somehow I
had succeeded. She saw it, too, and so I fancy my false
position has righted itself. So I haven't been sincere
to her either, Janet. But my conscience seems fairly
callous about it. I can't help reflecting that we are to
other people pretty much what they deserve that we shall
be. We can't control our own respect."
"I've lost hers," Janet repeated, with depression, and
Kendal gave an impatient groan.
"I don't think you'll miss it," he said.
"And, Jack, haven't you any--compunctions about exhibiting
that portrait?"
"Absolutely none." He looked at her with candid eyes.
"Of course if she wished me to I would destroy it. I
respect her property in it so far as that. But so long
as she accepts it as the significant truth it is, I am
entirely incapable of regretting it. I have painted her,
with her permission, as I saw her, as she is. If I had
given her a, squint or a dimple, I could accuse myself;
but I have not wronged her or gratified myself by one
touch of misrepresentation."
"I am to see it this afternoon," said Janet. Unconsciously
she was looking forward to finding some measure of
justification for herself in the portrait; why, it would
be difficult to say.
"Yes; I put it into its frame with my own hands yesterday.
I don't know when anything has given me so much pleasure.
And so far as Miss Bell is concerned," he went on, "it
is an unpleasant thing to say, but one's acquaintance
with her seems more and more to resolve itself into an
opportunity for observation, and to be without significance
other than that. I tell you frankly I began to see that
when I found I shared what she called her friendship with
Golightly Ticke. And I think, dear, with people like you
and me, any more serious feeling toward her is impossible."
"Doesn't it distress you to think that she believes you
incapable of speaking of her like this?"
"I think," said Kendal slowly, "that she knows how I
would be likely to speak of her."
"Well," Janet returned, "I'm glad you haven't reason to
suffer about her as I do. And I don't know at all how to
answer her letter."
"I'll tell you," Kendal replied. He jumped up and brought
her a pen and a sheet of paper and a blotting pad, and
sat down again beside her, holding the ink bottle. "Write
'My dear Miss Bell.'"
"But she began her letter, without any formality."
"Never mind; that's a cheapness that you needn't imitate,
even for the sake of politeness. Write 'My dear Miss Bell.'"
Janet wrote it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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