“I think we may retire, Miss H.,” said Mrs. Keats, rising with a severe
dignity that seemed to say, “We are not bound to assist at an orgy.” And
with a stern stare and a defiant little bow she moved towards the door.
I was so awestruck that I never moved from my place, but stood resting
my hand on my chair, till she said, “Do you mean to open the door, sir,
or am I to do it for myself?”
I sprang forward at once, and flung it wide, my face all scarlet with
shame.
She passed out, and Miss Herbert followed her. Her dress, however,
catching in the doorway, she turned back to extricate it; I seized the
moment to stoop down and say, “Do let me see you for one moment this
evening,--only one moment.”
She shook her head in silent negative, and went away.
I sat down at the table, and filled myself a large goblet of wine; I
drank it off, and replenished it It was only this morning, a few brief
hours ago, and I would not have changed fortunes with the Emperor of
France. Life seemed to open before me like some beautiful alley in a
garden, with a glorious vista in the distance. I would not have bartered
the place in that cabriolet for the proudest throne in Europe. _She_ was
there beside me, listening in rapt attention, as I discoursed voyages,
travels, memoirs, poetry, and personal adventures. With every changeful
expression of lovely sympathy did she follow me through all. I was a
hero to us both, myself as much captivated as she was; and now the brief
drama was over, the lights were put out, and the theatre closed! How had
I destroyed this golden delusion,--why had I quarrelled with her,
and for what? For a certain Potts, a creature who, in reality, had no
existence; “For who is Potts?” said I. “Potts is no more a substance
than Caleb Williams or Peregrine Pickle; Potts is the lay figure that
the artist dresses in any costume he requires--a Rachero to-day, a
Railway Director to-morrow. What an absurdity in the importance we lend
to mere names! Here, for instance, I take the label off the port, and
I hang it round the neck of the claret decanter: have I changed the
quality of the vintage? have I brought Bordeaux to the meridian of
Oporto? Not a bit of it And yet a man is to be more the victim of an
accident than a bottle of wine, and his intrinsic qualities--strength,
flavor, and richness--are not to be tested, but simply implied from the
label round his neck! How narrow-minded, after all, of her, who ought
to have known better! It is thus, however, we educate our women; this
is part and parcel of the false system by which we fancy we make them
companionable. The North American Indians are far in advance of us in
all this: they assign them their proper places and fitting duties; they
feel that, in this life of ours, order and happiness depend on the due
distribution of burdens, and the Snapping Alligator never feels his
squaw more truly his helpmate than when she is skinning eels for his
dinner.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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