I passed the evening and a great part of the night in such
self-accusings, and then I addressed myself to action. I bethought me of
my future, and with whom and where and how it might be passed. The bag
of money intrusted to me by the Minister to pay the charges of the road
was banging where I had placed it,--on the curtain-holder. I opened it,
and found a hundred and forty gold Napoleons, and some ten or twelve
pounds in silver. I next set to count over my own especial hoard; it was
a fraction under a thousand francs! Forty pounds was truly a very small
sum wherewith to confront a world to which I brought not any art, or
trade, or means of livelihood; I say forty, because I had not the shadow
of a pretext for touching the other sum, and I resolved at once to
transmit it to the owner. Now, what could be done with so humble a
capital? I had heard of a great general who once pawned a valuable
sword--a sword of honor it was--wherewith to buy a horse, and, so
mounted, he went forth over the Alps, and conquered a kingdom. The story
had no moral for me, for somehow I did not feel as though I were the
stuff that conquers kingdoms, and yet there must surely be a vast
number of men in life with about the same sort of faculties, merits, and
demerits as I have. There must be a numerous Potts family in every land,
well-meaning, right-intentioned, worthless creatures, who, out of a
supposed willingness to do anything, always end in doing nothing. Such
people, it must be inferred, live upon what are called their wits, or,
in other words, trade upon the daily accidents of life, and the use to
which they can turn the traits of those they meet with.
I was resolved not to descend to this; no, I bad deter-. mined to say
adieu to all masquerading, and be simply Potts, the druggist's son, one
who had once dreamed of great ambitions, but had taken the wrong road
to them. I would from this hour be an honest, truth-speaking,
simple-hearted creature. What the world might henceforth accord me of
its sympathy should be tendered on honest grounds; nay, more, in
the spirit of those devotees who inspire themselves with piety by
privations, I resolved on a course of self-mortification, I would
not rest till I had made my former self expiate all the vainglorious
wantonness of the past, and * pay in severe penance for every
transgression I had committed. I began boldly with my reformation. I sat
down and wrote thus:--
To Mr. Dycer, Stephen's-Green, Dublin.
“The gentleman who took away a dun pony from your livery stables in the
month of May last, and who, from certain circumstances, has not been
able to restore the animal, sends herewith twenty pounds as his probable
value. If Mr. D. conscientiously considers the sum insufficient, the
sender will at some future time, he hopes, make good the difference.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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