"Do not speak of her!" she exclaimed passionately. "Do you know that
you are unworthy of her? that, from the way in which you spoke of her,
I expected to see a good, respectable, uninteresting creature? and
instead all your famous Rothenburg has nothing to show more charming
than this little woman! And you would forsake her to run after an utter
stranger? Do not take it unkindly of me; you have been on the point of
becoming a perfect fool, and I am not vain enough to find any
particular excuse for mildness in the fact that you are infatuated with
me."
Her voice sounded hard and shrill, and he perceived that she was
speaking with painful effort. Then he strove to collect himself;
seizing her hand, and pressing it slightly in his own, he said:
"I thank you, my lady, for all the kind and unkind words you have just
said to me. I will not be less frank than you; yes, you have turned my
head, truly not in the ordinary way, but because you gave me a glimpse
of the ideals of life and art which I renounced so early to seek
happiness in a modest, middle station. I have indeed found it, and am
really not so blind and ungrateful as to think it worthless. But ought
not a man to strive for the highest things? Ought he to be contented
with a Rothenburg happiness--you yourself called it so--and especially
if he devotes himself to art, should he not seek the unknown--"
"To strive for the highest," she interrupted him--"the unknown? Praise
your fate that it has never made those beautiful words real to you.
They are will-o'-the-wisps which lead one astray into pits and swamps.
Shall I tell you a story? There was once a beautiful young girl, the
daughter of a humble serf; and a young man, the tutor at the great
house, was in love with her; he resembled you a little, only his hair
and beard were less artistic. He wished to marry the girl, and as he
had a little property, it would have been a very good match. But the
proud thing aspired to the 'highest,' and although as yet she knew no
French, she had even then an inclination towards the _recherche de
l'inconnu_. Then a general came to the estate, and he too found the
girl strikingly pretty, paid court to her, and finally asked her to
marry him. Well, there was the 'highest' of which she had dreamt, and
the 'unknown' also, as the great world of St. Petersburg would be open
to her. And so she forsook her humble suitor and became a general's
wife; and when she saw the 'highest' by daylight it was mean and low;
and when she learned to know the 'unknown' it was but insipid
commonplaceness. Probably her heart would not have been filled with
happiness beside a simple _magister_; but yet she would not have been
quite so miserable nor made others so unhappy. Of course there were
many who wished to help her atone for her error, and one of them might
have succeeded. It was a pity that the general was such a sure hand
with a pistol, and was not too proud to give a personal lesson to one
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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