When you are ill you become primitive; the emotional part of you is uppermost, and you weep over mawkish drivel that you would laugh at when you are well. Any snivelling parson could have persuaded me to believe that I was a sinner, had he come to my bed-side three days ago. Luckily no snivelling parson came, but the girls came every night. "Aw hope ye dinna dee," said Annie. "Ye wud need an awfu' lang coffin," said Janet as she measured me with her eye. "You've got a cheerful sort of bed-side manner, Jan," I said. "Wud ye hae an oak coffin?" she asked. "Couldn't afford it, Jan. You see I'm saving up for my marriage." "But if ye need a coffin ye'll no need a wife." "The wedding-cake will do for the funeral feast," I said hopefully. "I've ordered it." Janet laughed. "Eh! It wud be awfu' funny to eat weddin' cake at a burial!" she cried. "Wud'n it?" "I don't think I would be in a position to appreciate the fun of the thing, Janet." "Maggie wudna see muckle fun in it either," said Gladys. "Wud Jim Jackson be yer chief mourner?" asked Ellen. "Possibly," I said, "but don't mention the fact to him. He'll become unsettled. He's an ambitious youth, Jim, and his position as best man at my marriage will merely make him long for other worlds to conquer." "Ye wud hae a big funeral," said Janet thoughtfully. "We wud get a holiday that day," she added brightly. "Ah!" I said, "that settles it, Jan. Leave me to die in peace. Let me see--this is Tuesday; if I die now that will mean Saturday for the funeral. That's no good. What do you say to my putting off the evil day till Friday? That will mean a holiday on Tuesday." "But ye canna dee when ye want to!" she laughed. "I can easily borrow some of Mrs. Thomson's rat poison." "Syne ye wud be committin' sooicide," cried Annie, "and they wud bury ye at nicht, and we wudna get oor holiday." "Ah! Annie! You've raised a difficulty. I hear Jim whistling outside. Bring him in and we'll see if he can solve the problem." They brought Jim to my bedside. I explained the difficulty, and Jim scratched his head. "If ye was murdered they wudna bury ye at nicht," he said after some deliberation. "A brilliant idea, Jim, but who is to murder me?" "Joe Simpson wud dae it ... quick," he answered. "He has a notion o' Maggie." "Aw wud get another holiday," he added, "when Joe was tried. Aw wud be a witness." "So wud Aw," said Annie. "And me too," said Janet. "Ye wudna," said Jim with scorn, "lassies canna swear, and ye have to put yer hand on the Bible and swear when ye are a witness." "We'll have to give up the murder idea," I said firmly: "it's unfair; I can't have Jim getting two holidays while the girls get only one." "We micht get another holiday when Joe was buried," suggested Ellen. "No," said Jim, "they bury a hanged man in the jile." "Ye'll just need to get better again," said Janet. "You'll lose your holiday in that case, Jan." She put her arm round my neck.