John Huish's breakfast was on the table in his snug room, and the
coffee, French rolls, and delicately-brown ham looked enticing, but they
did not tempt him. He had made several beginnings, such as taking off
the cover that concealed the ham, opening his napkin, pouring out the
steaming amber coffee, and the like; but he had touched nothing, for a
letter he had received from Gertrude that morning had taken away his
appetite.
"Poor girl!" he mused; "suffering agonies, and I seem as if I can do
nothing to help her. Money! Why have I not plenty of money? I always
felt well enough off till this happened, and then all at once I
discovered that I was a poor man."
He wrinkled up his brow, and let his cheek down upon his hand, with his
elbow in dangerous proximity to his coffee.
"I was dreaming of going up to Stonor's again last night. Good heavens!
Is it likely that I shall ever become like one of those poor fellows--
unhinged, doing all kinds of things involuntarily? There must be
something wrong with me; only Stonor spoke as he did, like all doctors
do, to take one's thoughts away from one's malady. It is so strange,
that perhaps I ought not to think any more of my poor darling; only
Stonor encouraged me so. It would be a sin against her to marry if I
really am wrong. But am I? Let me think.
"Robson, for some reason, cut me dead yesterday; but then he is one of
Lady Millet's intimates. Then Rock Anderson apologised for not paying
me that money. What money? I remember no debt. It's softening of the
brain, that's what it is--memory gradually going; and yet I think of
Gertrude and dare--Well, the doctor said I was all right; he ought to
know. He said it was only a lapse of memory now and then.
"But there are so many things which are so puzzling. Friends seem to be
dropping away from me. Man after man with whom I used to be intimate
cuts me dead.
"No, no, no!" he cried impatiently; "I will not think of it. And as to
that woman who came to me and made me worry my brains, it must have been
some town trick."
But the cloud hung over him still, various little matters connected with
his daily life clinging together like snowflakes from that cloud, till
the recollection of his position with regard to Gertrude came back, and
her face shone through the darkness to dissipate the mental mist.
"Yes!" he cried, brightening up; "the doctor must be right. He
encouraged me in my ideas; and my darling will keep away all these
wretched morbid fancies. But what am I to do?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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