"I have all sorts of plans for my future, but they are not properly arranged yet. Aunt Sophy blocks them all. I am not ambitious," George blundered on, "but I do mean to have a comfortable home, luxurious armchairs, piles of cushions, deep carpets, felt slippers, and good cigars. I don't care how simple my food is, so long as I have good tobacco, and the very finest tea obtainable. I should like to turn the parlour into a tea house, with a divan at one end where I could lie and smoke--sometimes." "A dream of Turkish delight!" laughed Nellie. "What is the third plan?" "Concerning finance, and there I can't be beaten," replied George promptly. "I thought you were rolling in money." "It is coming in nicely now," George admitted, "but after a time the flow will cease; while I shall still be spending. The problem before me is how to invest my capital so that I shall be certain of a comfortable income. Government securities are treacherous things, and I have very little confidence in railways. The secret of wealth is to invest your cash in those things which everybody must have. Now every man must buy tobacco and drink beer; they are necessities of life. And every woman must carry an umbrella. What is a woman's principal necessity next to an umbrella?" "No respectable girl would even think of anything except umbrellas," replied Nellie. "But most girls are not respectable, I'm afraid, and, though it is a horrible confession to make, they cannot be happy unless they are constantly supplied with chocolates." "Is that really the truth?" asked George, with much interest. "It is, indeed. My kind of girl must have chocolates, just as your kind of man must drink beer." "Now that you mention it, I seem to remember there are an extraordinarily lot of sweet shops in every town." "And I should visit them all, just as naturally as you would go into the public houses." "That's a very valuable suggestion," said George. "I shall invest the whole of my capital in beer, tobacco, umbrellas, and chocolates. You see, Nellie, that will practically cover the prime necessities of either sex. A man goes to work with a pipe in his mouth, and he walks straight into a public-house. A woman comes out with an umbrella, and the first thing she does is to buy chocolates." "There are sure to be exceptions," said Nellie. "A bishop, for instance, might not go to his cathedral with a pipe in his mouth, while a Cabinet Minister would probably walk straight past several public-houses." "But they all smoke and drink at home." "I don't fancy somehow that bishops drink beer." "Bottled beer," said George eagerly. "Surely some are teetotallers!" "Then they drink cocoa, and that's chocolate melted down. On the other hand, plenty of ladies drink beer. You can see them carrying jugs--" "Not ladies!" cried Nellie. "Well, charwomen--they are ladies from a business point of view. I can see myself making tons of money," said George delightedly. "If only Aunt Sophy--"