American fiction -- 19th century; Artists -- Fiction
With the night dreams began to vanish and the prose of reality
gradually to take form and outline in Van Berg's mind. He was
compelled to admit that the plausible theories by which he had
hitherto satisfied himself scarcely accounted for his moods and
sensations the past few days, and memory quietly informed him that
it had never had any consciousness of such a friendship as he now
was forming. But like many another man in the process of conviction
against his will, he became irritable and angrily blind to a truth
that would place him in an intolerable dilemma. He went to his
studio, and worded with dogged obstinacy on the picture designed for
Ida, giving his time to those details which required only artistic
skill, for his perturbed mind was in no mood for any nice creative
work.
He had agreed to meet Ida and her father on the afternoon boat;
and his impatience, and the early hour he started to keep the
appointment, was another straw which he was compelled to see in
spite of himself; nor could he fail to note which way the current
was bearing him.
"Well," he muttered, with the fatuity common in all strong temptations,
"I'll spend a few more hours with this rare Undine, this genuine
woman, who--infinitely more beautiful than Venus--is rising out of
the dark waters of sorrow, shame, and despair, and then if I find
that it will be wiser and safer to be only a somewhat unobtrusive and
distant friend, showing my good-will more by deeds than by seeking
her society, I can gradually take this course without wounding
her feelings or exciting suspicion of the cause. She was right,
although she little imagines the reason; we could never have those
readings together, and I fear I must manage with far fewer visits
to my studio than I had hoped for. What an accursed chaotic old
world it is anyway! How grateful she is because I merely treat
her father politely! It would be impossible to do anything else,
now that he is himself again, and yet, by this simple, easy method,
I have won a friendlier regard than I could by any other means.
Like an idiot, I once thought she would have to withdraw from her
father to develop her new and beautiful life. If even in faintest
suggestion I had revealed that thought to her, I don't believe
she would have spoken to me again; and I foresee that I shall have
to be exceedingly polite to Mrs. Mayhew also, for my Undine is
developing a conscience that might become a man's implacable enemy.
But what am I thinking about! If I do not intend to see much of
the daughter, I shall not waste any time on the mother. I wonder
if Miss Mayhew meant anything by that odd little ballad last evening.
Could she have intended to remind me of blue-eyed Jennie Burton?
No, for she was singing it by herself, when she did not know I was
listening. The idiotic brook! If I had given my whole heart to
the effort I might have won Jennie Burton by this time. Ida Mayhew
was right; no woman that I wish to win will show a lover any favor
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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