The truth of the matter was that for all his reckoning and checking up
he was far from knowing what was going on on his own estate. In this
respect he was a typical official. Imagine a chief clerk to whom his
superior says: "My friend, it is necessary to my plans for me to know
exactly how large a crop of potatoes Russia can produce annually. Will
you kindly compute this for me?" You think a question like that would
baffle the chief clerk? You think he would at least ponder over the
methods to be employed in the execution of such a task? Not at all. All
he would do is this. He would draw a map of Russia, rule it out into
perfect squares, and find out how many acres each square represents.
Then he would go to the greengrocer's, would find out the quantity
of potatoes each acre requires for seed and what the average ratio
is of yield to seed, and, finally, with the help of God and the four
fundamental operations of arithmetic, he would arrive at the conclusion
that Russia under favorable circumstances could yield so and so many
potatoes and under unfavorable circumstances, so and so many. And his
work would not only please the chief, but would also be placed in
Volume CII of some "Proceedings."
Yudushka even chose a housekeeper who exactly fitted the environment
he had created. The maiden Yevpraksia was the daughter of the sexton
at the church of St. Nicholas-in-Drops. She was an all-round treasure.
Not alert in thinking, not ingenious, not even handy, but diligent,
submissive, in no sense exigent. When Yudushka "drew her nearer" to his
person, her one request was to be permitted to take some cold cider
without asking leave. Such disinterestedness touched even Yudushka. He
immediately put at her disposal two tubs of pickled apples beside the
cider, and freed her from accountability for any of these items. Her
exterior had nothing attractive in it to a connoisseur, but she was
quite satisfactory to a man who was not fastidious and knew what he
wanted. She had a broad white face, a low forehead bordered with thin
yellowish hair, large lack-lustre eyes, a perfectly straight nose, a
flat mouth on which there played a mysterious elusive smile, such as
one sees in the portraits painted by homebred artists. In short there
was nothing remarkable about her, except, perhaps, her back between her
shoulder-blades, which was so broad and powerful that even the most
indifferent man felt like giving her a good, hearty slap there. She
knew it, but did not mind it, so that when Yudushka for the first time
patted the fat nape of her neck, she only twitched her shoulders.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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