Ethics -- Fiction; Religion and sociology -- Fiction; Upper class families -- Fiction
“But you just said that you invited me here to talk frankly.”
“No, I don't love him.”
“Then why, in heaven's name, are you going to marry him?”
She lay back in her chair, regarding me, her lips slightly parted. All
at once the full flavour of her, the superfine quality was revealed
after years of blindness.--Nor can I describe the sudden rebellion, the
revulsion that I experienced. Hambleton Durrett! It was an outrage,
a sacrilege! I got up, and put my hand on the mantel. Nancy remained
motionless, inert, her head lying back against the chair. Could it be
that she were enjoying my discomfiture? There is no need to confess that
I knew next to nothing of women; had I been less excited, I might have
made the discovery that I still regarded them sentimentally. Certain
romantic axioms concerning them, garnered from Victorian literature,
passed current in my mind for wisdom; and one of these declared that
they were prone to remain true to an early love. Did Nancy still care
for me? The query, coming as it did on top of my emotion, brought with
it a strange and overwhelming perplexity. Did I really care for her? The
many years during which I had practised the habit of caution began
to exert an inhibiting pressure. Here was a situation, an opportunity
suddenly thrust upon me which might never return, and which I was
utterly unprepared to meet. Would I be happy with Nancy, after all? Her
expression was still enigmatic.
“Why shouldn't I marry him?” she demanded.
“Because he's not good enough for you.”
“Good!” she exclaimed, and laughed. “He loves me. He wants me without
reservation or calculation.” There was a sting in this. “And is he any
worse,” she asked slowly, “than many others who might be mentioned?”
“No,” I agreed. I did not intend to be led into the thankless and
disagreeable position of condemning Hambleton Durrett. “But why have you
waited all these years if you did not mean to marry a man of ability, a
man who has made something of himself?”
“A man like you, Hugh?” she said gently.
I flushed.
“That isn't quite fair, Nancy.”
“What are you working for?” she suddenly inquired, straightening up.
“What any man works for, I suppose.”
“Ah, there you have hit it,--what any man works for in our world.
Power,--personal power. You want to be somebody,--isn't that it? Not the
noblest ambition, you'll have to admit,--not the kind of thing we used
to dream about, when we did dream. Well, when we find we can't realize
our dreams, we take the next best thing. And I fail to see why you
should blame me for taking it when you yourself have taken it. Hambleton
Durrett can give it to me. He'll accept me on my own terms, he won't
interfere with me, I shan't be disillusionized,--and I shall have a
position which I could not hope to have if I remained unmarried, a very
marked position as Hambleton Durrett's wife. I am thirty, you know.”
Her frankness appalled me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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