Ethics -- Fiction; Religion and sociology -- Fiction; Upper class families -- Fiction
It is impossible to say when the little worries, annoyances and
disagreements began, when I first felt a restlessness creeping over me.
I tried to hide these moods from her, but always she divined them. And
yet I was sure that I loved Maude; in a surprisingly short period I had
become accustomed to her, dependent on her ministrations and the normal,
cosy intimacy of our companionship. I did not like to think that the
keen edge of the enjoyment of possession was wearing a little, while
at the same time I philosophized that the divine fire, when legalized,
settles down to a comfortable glow. The desire to go home that grew upon
me I attributed to the irritation aroused by the spectacle of a fixed
social order commanding such unquestioned deference from the many who
were content to remain resignedly outside of it. Before the setting
in of the Liberal movement and the “American invasion” England was a
country in which (from my point of view) one must be “somebody” in order
to be happy. I was “somebody” at home; or at least rapidly becoming
so....
London was shrouded, parliament had risen, and the great houses
were closed. Day after day we issued forth from a musty and highly
respectable hotel near Piccadilly to a gloomy Tower, a soggy Hampton
Court or a mournful British Museum. Our native longing for luxury--or
rather my native longing--impelled me to abandon Smith's Hotel for a
huge hostelry where our suite overlooked the Thames, where we ran across
a man I had known slightly at Harvard, and other Americans with whom
we made excursions and dined and went to the theatre. Maude liked these
persons; I did not find them especially congenial. My life-long habit
of unwillingness to accept what life sent in its ordinary course was
asserting itself; but Maude took her friends as she found them, and I
was secretly annoyed by her lack of discrimination. In addition to this,
the sense of having been pulled up by the roots grew upon me.
“Suppose,” Maude surprised me by suggesting one morning as we sat
at breakfast watching the river craft flit like phantoms through the
yellow-green fog--“suppose we don't go to France, after all, Hugh?”
“Not go to France!” I exclaimed. “Are you tired of the trip?”
“Oh, Hugh!” Her voice caught. “I could go on, always, if you were
content.”
“And--what makes you think that I'm not content?”
Her smile had in it just a touch of wistfulness.
“I understand you, Hugh, better than you think. You want to get back
to your work, and--and I should be happier. I'm not so silly and so
ignorant as to think that I can satisfy you always. And I'd like to get
settled at home,--I really should.”
There surged up within me a feeling of relief. I seized her hand as it
lay on the table.
“We'll come abroad another time, and go to France,” I said. “Maude,
you're splendid!”
She shook her head.
“Oh, no, I'm not.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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