Ethics -- Fiction; Religion and sociology -- Fiction; Upper class families -- Fiction
learned to suspect and distrust. Wild longings took possession of me,
for the portrait had seemed to emphasize at once how distant now she was
from me, and yet how near! I wanted to put that nearness to the test.
Had she really changed? did anyone really change? and had I not been
a fool to accept the presentment she had given me? I remembered those
moments when our glances had met as across barriers in flashes
of understanding. After all, the barriers were mere relics of the
superstition of the past. What if I went to her now? I felt that I
needed her as I never had needed anyone in all my life.... I was aroused
by the sound of lowered voices beside me.
“That's Mrs. Hambleton Durrett,” I heard a woman say. “Isn't she
beautiful?”
The note of envy struck me sharply--horribly. Without waiting to listen
to the comment of her companion I hurried out of the building into the
cold, white sunlight that threw into bold relief the mediocre houses of
the street. Here was everyday life, but the portrait had suggested that
which might have been--might be yet. What did I mean by this? I didn't
know, I didn't care to define it,--a renewal of her friendship, of our
intimacy. My being cried out for it, and in the world in which I lived
we took what we wanted--why not this? And yet for an instant I stood on
the sidewalk to discover that in new situations I was still subject
to unaccountable qualms of that thing I had been taught to call
“conscience”; whether it were conscience or not must be left to
the psychologists. I was married--terrible word! the shadow of that
Institution fell athwart me as the sun went under a cloud; but the
sun came out again as I found myself walking toward the Durrett house
reflecting that numbers of married men called on Nancy, and that what
I had in mind in regard to her was nothing that the court would have
pronounced an infringement upon the Institution.... I reached her
steps, the long steps still guarded by the curved wrought-iron railings
reminiscent of Nathaniel's day, though the “portals” were gone, a modern
vestibule having replaced them; I rang the bell; the butler, flung open
the doors. He, at any rate, did not seem surprised to see me here, he
greeted me with respectful cordiality and led me, as a favoured guest,
through the big drawing-room into the salon.
“Mr. Paret, Madam!”
Nancy, rose quickly from the low chair where she sat cutting the pages
of a French novel.
“Hugh!” she exclaimed. “I'm out if anyone calls. Bring tea,” she added
to the man, who retired. For a moment we stood gazing at each other,
questioningly. “Well, won't you sit down and stay awhile?” she asked.
I took a chair on the opposite side of the fire.
“I just thought I'd drop in,” I said.
“I am flattered,” said Nancy, “that a person so affaire should find
time to call on an old friend. Why, I thought you never left your office
until seven o'clock.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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