Ethics -- Fiction; Religion and sociology -- Fiction; Upper class families -- Fiction
And he departed. Of course I knew that he had been baiting me, his scent
for the weaknesses of his friends being absolutely fiendish. I was angry
because he had succeeded,--because he knew he had succeeded. All the
morning uneasiness possessed me, and I found it difficult to concentrate
on the affairs I had in hand. I felt premonitions, which I tried in vain
to suppress, that the tide of the philosophy of power and might
were starting to ebb: I scented vague calamities ahead, calamities I
associated with Krebs; and when I went out to the Club for lunch
this sense of uneasiness, instead of being dissipated, was increased.
Dickinson was there, and Scherer, who had just got back from Europe; the
talk fell on the Citizens Union, which Scherer belittled with an air of
consequence and pompousness that struck me disagreeably, and with an
eye newly critical I detected in him a certain disintegration,
deterioration. Having dismissed the reformers, he began to tell of his
experiences abroad, referring in one way or another to the people of
consequence who had entertained him.
“Hugh,” said Leonard Dickinson to me as we walked to the bank together,
“Scherer will never be any good any more. Too much prosperity. And he's
begun to have his nails manicured.”
After I had left the bank president an uncanny fancy struck me that in
Adolf Scherer I had before me a concrete example of the effect of my
philosophy on the individual....
Nothing seemed to go right that spring, and yet nothing was absolutely
wrong. At times I became irritated, bewildered, out of tune, and unable
to understand why. The weather itself was uneasy, tepid, with long
spells of hot wind and dust. I no longer seemed to find refuge in my
work. I was unhappy at home. After walking for many years in confidence
and security along what appeared to be a certain path, I had suddenly
come out into a vague country in which it was becoming more and more
difficult to recognize landmarks. I did not like to confess this; and
yet I heard within me occasional whispers. Could it be that I, Hugh
Paret, who had always been so positive, had made a mess of my life?
There were moments when the pattern of it appeared to have fallen apart,
resolved itself into pieces that refused to fit into each other.
Of course my relationship with Nancy had something to do with this....
One evening late in the spring, after dinner, Maude came into the
library.
“Are you busy, Hugh?” she asked.
I put down my newspapers.
“Because,” she went on, as she took a chair near the table where I was
writing, “I wanted to tell you that I have decided to go to Europe, and
take the children.”
“To Europe!” I exclaimed. The significance of the announcement failed at
once to register in my brain, but I was aware of a shock.
“Yes.”
“When?” I asked.
“Right away. The end of this month.”
“For the summer?”
“I haven't decided how long I shall stay.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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