"That is to say, Britton, the Schmicks and myself." "The Schmicks?" It was high time that I should laugh. "Ha! ha! The Schmicks! Good Lord, man,--the _Schmicks_." It sounded inane even to me, but, on my soul, it was all I could think of to say. "The Schmicks are tickled to death over it," said he. "And so is Britton." Collecting all the sarcasm that I could command at the instant, I inquired: "And you, Mr. Poopendyke,--are you not ticklish?" "Very," said he. "Well, I'm not!" said I, savagely. "What does all this nonsense mean. Don't be an ass, Fred." "Perhaps you don't know it, Mr. Smart, but you _are_ in love," said he so convincingly that I was conscious of an abrupt sinking of the heart. Good heavens! Was he right? Was there anything in this silly twaddle? "You are quite mad about her." "The deuce you say!" I exclaimed, rather blankly. "Oh, I've seen it coming. For that matter, so has she. It's as plain as the nose--" I leaped to my feet, startled. "She? You don't--Has she said anything that leads you to believe--Oh, the deuce! What rot!" "No use getting angry over it," he said consolingly. "Falling in love is the sort of thing a fellow can't help, you know. It happens without his assistance. It is so easy. Now I was once in love with a girl for two years without really knowing it." "And how did you find it out?" I asked, weakly. "I didn't find it out until she married another chap. Then I knew I'd been in love with her all the time. But that's neither here nor there. You are heels over head in love with the Countess Tarnowsy and--" "Shut up, Fred! You're going daffy from reading my books, or absorbing my manuscripts, or--" "Heaven is my witness, I don't read your books and I merely correct your manuscripts. God knows there is no romance in that! You _are_ in love. Now what are you going to do about it?" "Do about it?" I demanded. "You can't go on in this way, you know," he said relentlessly. "She won't--" "Why, you blithering idiot," I roared, "do you know what you are saying? I'm not in love with anybody. My heart is--is--But never mind! Now, listen to me, Fred. This nonsense has got to cease. I won't have it. Why, she's already got a husband. She's had all she can stand in the way of husb--" "Rubbish! She can stand a husband or two more, if you are going to look at it in a literal way. Besides, she hasn't a husband. She's chucked him. Good riddance, too. Now, do you imagine for a single instant that a beautiful, adorable young woman of twenty-three is going to spend the rest of her life without a man? Not much! She's free to marry again and she will." "Admitting that to be true, why should she marry me?" "I didn't say she was in love with you. I said you were in love with her." "Oh," I said, and my face fell "I see."