Everything went very well that evening. We were all in fine humour and
the dinner was an excellent one. I perpetrated but one unhappy blunder.
I asked Mrs. Titus if she knew the Riley-Werkheimers and the
Rocks-worths in New York.
"Visually," she said succinctly, and I made haste to change the subject.
The Countess looked amused, and Colingraft said something about it
being more than likely that we did not have any mutual acquaintances
in New York. His sister came to my rescue with a very amusing and
exaggerated account of my experience with the Riley-Werkheimers and
Rocksworths. Jasper was enthusiastic. Something told me that I was
going to like him.
My real troubles began the next day--and at the rather unseemly hour
of eight o'clock in the morning. Colingraft came down the hall in a
bath-gown and slippers, banged on my bedroom door, and wanted to know
why the devil he couldn't have hot water for his bath. He was too
full-blooded, and all that sort of thing, he said, to take a cold
plunge. Moreover, he wasn't used to taking his tub in a tin-cup. (That
was his sarcastic way of referring to my portable, handy bath-tub.)
I asked him why he didn't ring for Britton, and he said he did but
that Britton was assisting Jasper in a wild chase for a bat which had
got into the lad's room during the night.
"Thank your lucky stars it didn't get into Mother's room," he said
surlily. I silently thanked them.
He made such a row about his tub that I had to give him the pail of
hot water Britton had placed in my bedroom, preparatory to my own bath.
At breakfast Jasper complained about the bats. He couldn't for the
life of him see why I didn't have screens in the windows.
Later on Mrs. Titus, who had coffee and toast in her room, joined us
in the loggia and announced that the coffee was stone cold. Moreover,
she did not like the guest-chamber into which she had been moved by
order of the Countess. It was too huge for a bed-chamber, and the iron
window shutters creaked all night long.
"But don't you love the view you have of the Danube?" I queried, rather
mournfully.
"I don't sit in the window all night, Mr. Smart," she said tartly.
I at once insisted on her resuming possession of my bedroom, and
promptly had all of my things moved into the one she had occupied
during the night. When the Countess heard of this arrangement she was
most indignant. She got me off in a corner and cruelly informed me
that I hadn't the vestige of a backbone. She must have said something
to her mother, too, for when evening came around I had to move back
into my own room, Mrs. Titus sweetly assuring me that under no
consideration would she consent to impose upon my good nature and
hospitality to such an extent, etc., etc.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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