"This is for you," he said, "I bring it direct from Barcelona. It is
strictly private. Good morning," and as mysteriously as he had appeared
he was gone.
Even before opening it, the shaky writing on the envelope told me only
too eloquently that matters were no better with Giannoli at the time he
penned it. Moreover, I felt certain, from the extraordinary nature of
its delivery, that it must contain news of exceptional moment. A dull,
sick feeling of dread overcame me as I stood irresolute, holding the
unopened letter in my hand. I was tempted to put it aside and postpone
the knowledge of any unpleasant news it might contain. I knew this,
however, to be a weakness, and so with an effort I tore it open. It read
as follows:--
"DEAREST FRIEND,--This is a letter which it would be unsafe to consign
to the post. Therefore I send it to you by hand, by means of an old
friend who can be trusted. He is not a comrade, and has no knowledge of
its contents. A few days back I wrote to you from Gibraltar, telling you
of the serious break-down in my health, and of the circumstances which
had compelled me once again to leave Lisbon. Now, at last, I feel in a
measure more composed, for my resolution is taken, and I mean to end my
life--not without benefit to our Cause, I hope. You are the only person
with whom I am communicating. Even Kosinski has been bought over by my
enemies. A letter from him was forwarded to me in Lisbon, in which
he sided with the spies who have been trying to ruin me, and which
contained covert threats which I understood only too well. Thus another
illusion is shattered! The burden of all these disillusions, all these
disgusts and disappointments, is too heavy to bear any longer. I must
get away from it all before my health and intellect are completely
shattered. I have always thought suicide a cowardly death for an
Anarchist. Before taking leave of life it is his duty to strike a final
blow at Society and I, at least, mean to strike it. Here the moment is
in every way ripe. Ever since the explosion in Madrid, eight months ago,
the Anarchists have been the victims of the most savage persecutions. I
have seen one man with his nails torn off, and another raving mad with
thirst, after having been kept without water, and fed on salt cod during
sixty hours. Others have been tortured in prison in other ways--some
tortures so vile and filthy that I would not tell you of them. I write
this in order to show you that the moment is ripe here for some vigorous
act of reprisal. It is impossible to strike a blow at all those who are
responsible, for the whole of Society is to blame: but those most guilty
must suffer for it. I am prepared to strike my final blow before I take
my leave, and you will learn from the papers in a few days' time the
exact nature of the act I contemplate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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