England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Guardian and ward -- Fiction; Youth -- Conduct of life -- Fiction
"I am not surprised. I have no right to a house. I have no money to
live there. I am alone in this grey old England. Cousin Thor gave it
more to Waddy than to me, and now she is gone I have no right to expect
that Cousin Thor should provide me with a house to keep my possessions
in. He did tell me that I could have it for a time, but now this curate
with his family wants it, and they will take possession of the darling
organ. It has all gone from me. I shall only have memories of it now."
"You must look upon my house as your pied-à-terre, I won't say home,
for you have become such an independent young lady that you resent the
thought of any one taking care of you. But you know, dear, that you
will be always welcome, and that I am ready to help you in every way
possible."
"You are very kind," said Gentian, looking at her with a deep gravity
in her blue starry eyes; "but I am learning to stand alone. I shall
have to do it, and the sooner I begin the better. I shall be very
grateful if you will store a few boxes for me. I haven't very many
worldly goods, have I? Only just some mementoes from my darling Italy,
and a few of my mother's treasures. I will write this evening and tell
Cousin Thor that I will clear out my things to-morrow."
Thorold got her letter, and for some hours after receiving it, felt
distracted and disturbed.
"DEAR CORNISH BENEFACTOR,—
"You have broken your news very softly. But I am ready to quit, as
the Americans would say, and shall march out with my head up, and my
tears locked down into a pool at the bottom of my heart. You have a
right to let your own house to anyone. I was only a charity pauper
whilst there. This isn't bitterness but fact, and never was a poor
orphan more kindly housed than I was. I knew when I turned the key in
the door and went off to the Miss Buchans that I should never go back
again. I felt it in my bones. Mrs. Wharnecliffe impressed upon me that
I could not live there alone. I knew that I had not enough money of my
own to feed myself and a chaperone, to say nothing of paying her to
dance attendance on me. So there we are. I feel I am growing wise and
old. That sunny chapter of my life is over. The clouds began to appear
when you took your departure, and when Waddy left me for good, the sun
disappeared altogether.
"But, and this is a big But. I will print it in large letters, BUT,
I have I believe got my storm-proof and mackintosh on, and I'm assuring
myself over and over, that this fresh storm may beat about my feelings
and passions and hopes and desires, but can't reach my soul. I don't
forget your little sermon, you see. I've discovered one of the Bible's
secrets, that blessedness—that's happiness, is it not?—comes to those
who believe when they can't see. And then after I have thought over
that a good while, I give myself a pat on the shoulder and say, 'Your
future is not in your hands, child.' Only I can't give it quite the
nice kind of pat that you did.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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