There was some one with her in the room--some one unseen, as she was,
swallowed up in the darkness, veiled by the curtains at the windows,
which showed faintly a pale streak of sky only, letting in no light.
Unseen, but not inaudible; a hurried, fluttering breath betraying him,
and that faint sound of cautious, uneasy movement, now and then
instantly, guiltily silenced, and then resumed. She could feel the
stealthy step thrill the flooring, making a jar, which was followed by
one of those complete silences in which the intruder too held his
breath, then another stealthy step.
A thousand thoughts, a very avalanche, precipitated themselves through
her mind. A man did not steal into a dark room like that if he were
doing it for the first time. And his words last night, “How do you know
even that I am honest?” And then his father--his father--oh, God help
him, God forgive him!--that was an ill man! And his upbringing in a
country where lies were common, with a guardian that did him no justice,
and the woman that cut him off. And not to know that he had a creature
belonging to him in the world to be made glad or sorry whatever
happened! Oh, God forgive him, God help him! the unfortunate, the
miserable boy! “Mine all the same--mine all the same!” her heart said,
bleeding--oh, that was no metaphor! bleeding with the anguish, the
awful, immeasurable blow.
If there was any light at all in the room, it was a faint greyness, just
showing in the midst of the dark the vague form of a little table
against the wall, and a box in a brown cover--a box--no, no, the shape
of a box, but only something standing there, something, the accursed
thing for which life and love were to be wrecked once more. Oh, his
father--his father! But his father would not have done that. Yet it was
honester to take the trinkets, the miserable stones that would bring in
money, than to wring a woman’s heart. And what did the boy know? He had
never been taught, never had any example, God help him, God forgive him!
and mine--mine all the time!
Then out of the complete darkness came into that faint grey where the
box was, an arm, a hand. It touched, not calculating the distance, the
solid substance with a faint jar, and retired like a ghost, while she
sat rigid, looking on; then more cautiously, more slowly still, it stole
forth again, and grasped the box. Miss Bethune had settled nothing what
to do, she had thought of nothing but the misery of it, she had
intended, so far as she had any intention, to watch while the tragedy
was played out, the dreadful act accomplished. But she was a woman of
sudden impulses, moved by flashes of resolution almost independent of
her will.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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