intolerable, a thing not to bear thinking of.
But now she was dead, all the misery over, nothing left but the silence.
She had been nothing to him for years, torn out of his heart, flung out
of his life, perhaps with too little pity, perhaps with little
perception of the great sacrifice she had made in giving up to him
without even a protest her only child: but her very existence had been a
canker in his life; the thought that still the same circle of earth
enclosed them--him and the woman who had once been everything to him,
and then nothing, yet always something, something, a consciousness, a
fever, a jarring note that set all life out of tune. And now she was
dead. The strong pain of all this revival stung him back to strength. He
went out in defiance of the doctor, back to his usual work, resuming the
daily round. He had much to meet, to settle, to set right again, in his
renewed existence. And she was dead. The other side of life was closed
and sealed, and the stone rolled to the door of the sepulchre. Nothing
could happen to bring that back, to renew any consciousness of it more.
Strange and sad and disturbing as this event was, it seemed to settle
and clear the turbid current of a spoiled life.
And perhaps the other excitement and climax of the life of his neighbour
which had been going on under the same roof, helped Mr. Mannering in the
renewal of his own history. When he heard Miss Bethune’s story, the
silent rebellion against his own, which had been ever in his mind, was
silenced. It is hard, in the comparison of troubles, which people who
have been more or less crushed in life are so fond of making, when
brought into sufficiently intimate relation with each other, to have to
acknowledge that perhaps a brother pilgrim, a sister, has had more to
bear than oneself. Even in misery we love to be foremost, to have the
bitter in our cup acknowledged as more bitter than that of others. But
yet, when Mr. Mannering heard, as she could tell him, the story of the
woman who had lived so near him for years with that unsuspected secret,
he did not deny that her lot had been more terrible than his own. Miss
Bethune was eager to communicate her own tale in those days of
excitement and transition. She went to him of her own accord after the
first day of his return to his work, while the doctor hovered about the
stairs, up and down, and could not rest, in terror for the result. Dr.
Roland could not believe that his patient would not break down. He could
not go out, nor even sit quietly in his own room, less he should be
wanted, and not ready at the first call. He could not refrain from a
gibe at the lady he met on the stairs. “Yes, by all means,” he said, “go
and tell him all about your own business. Go and send him out to look
after that wretched Hesketh, whom you are going to keep up, I hear, all
the same.”
“Not him, doctor. The poor unhappy young creature, his wife.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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