Notwithstanding his affectionate fidelity, he was glad to be free of the
darkened room and oppressive atmosphere and troubled colloquy. To return
to ordinary daylight and life was a relief to him. But he had no very
serious thoughts, either about the appeal she had made to him or her
condition. He had known her as ill and as hysterical before. When she
was ill she was often emotional, miserable, fond of referring to
mysterious errors in her past. Harry thought he knew very well what
these errors were. He knew her like the palm of his hand, as the French
say. He knew the sort of things she would be likely to do, foolish
things, inconsiderate, done in a hurry--done, very likely, as she said,
with a full knowledge that they ought not to be done, yet that she
could not help it. Poor little aunt! he could well believe in any sort
of silly thing, heedless, and yet not altogether heedless either,
disapproved of in her mind even while she did it. Our children know us
better than any other spectators know us. They know the very moods in
which we are likely to do wrong. What a good thing it is that with that
they love us all the same, more or less, as the case may be! And that
their eyes, though so terribly clear-sighted, are indulgent too; or, if
not indulgent, yet are ruled by the use and wont, the habit of us, and
of accepting us, whatever we may be. Young Gordon knew exactly, or
thought he knew, what sort of foolish things she might have done, or
even yet might be going to do. Her conscience was evidently very keen
about this Mr. Mannering, this sister’s husband, as he appeared to be;
perhaps she had made mischief, not meaning it and yet half meaning it,
between him and his wife, and could not forgive herself, or hope to be
forgiven. Her own husband had been a grave man, very loving to her, yet
very serious with her, and he knew that there had never been mention of
Dora between these two. Once, he remembered, his guardian had seen the
box ready to be despatched, and had asked no questions, but looked for a
moment as if he would have pushed it out of the way with his foot.
Perhaps he had disapproved of these feeble attempts to make up to the
sister’s child for harm done to her mother. Perhaps he had felt that the
wrong was unforgiveable, whatever it was. He had taken it for granted
that after his death his wife would go home; and Harry remembered a
wistful strange look which he cast upon her when he was dying. But the
young man gave himself a little shake to throw off these indications of
a secret which he did not know. His nature, as had been said, was averse
to secrets; he refused to have anything to do with a mystery. Everything
in which he was concerned was honest and open as the day. He did not
dwell on the fact that he had a mystery connected with himself, and was
in the curious circumstance of having a mother whom he did not know. It
was very odd, he admitted, when he thought of it; but as he spent his
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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