she had risked so much, and the child whom she had scarcely seen,
obliterated. The agony through which she had lived in that first period
of dismay and despair, the wild secret inquiries set on foot with so
little knowledge of how to do anything of the kind, chiefly by means of
the good and devoted Gilchrist, who, however, knew still less even than
her mistress the way to do it--the long, monotonous years of living with
the old uncle to whom that forlorn young woman in her secret anguish had
to be nurse and companion; the dreadful freedom afterwards, when the
fortune was hers, and the liberty so long desired--but still no clue, no
knowledge whether the child on whom she had set her passionate heart
existed or not. The hero, the husband, existed no longer in her
imagination. That first year of furtive fatal intercourse had revealed
him in his true colours as an adventurer, whose aim had been her
fortune. But why had he not revealed himself when that fortune was
secure? Why had he not brought back the child who would have secured his
hold over her whatever had happened? These questions had been discussed
between Miss Bethune and her maid, till there was no longer any
contingency, any combination of things or theories possible, which had
not been torn to pieces between them, with reasonings sometimes as acute
as mother’s wit could make them, sometimes as foolish as ignorance and
inexperience suggested.
They had roamed all over the world in an anxious quest after the
fugitives who had disappeared so completely into the darkness. What wind
drifted them to Bloomsbury it would be too long to inquire. The wife of
one furtive and troubled year, the mother of one anxious but heavenly
week, had long, long ago settled into the angular, middle-aged unmarried
lady of Mrs. Simcox’s first floor. She had dropped all her former
friends, all the people who knew about her. And those people who once
knew her by her Christian name, and as they thought every incident in
her life, in reality knew nothing, not a syllable of the brief romance
and tragedy which formed its centre. She had developed, they all
thought, into one of those eccentrics who are so often to be found in
the loneliness of solitary life, odd as were all the Bethunes, with
something added that was especially her own. By intervals an old friend
would appear to visit her, marvelling much at the London lodging in
which the mistress of more than one old comfortable house had chosen to
bury herself. But the Bethunes were all queer, these visitors said;
there was a bee in their bonnet, there was a screw loose somewhere. It
is astonishing the number of Scotch families of whom this is said to
account for everything their descendants may think or do.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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