A Knight of the Nineteenth CenturyRoe, Edward Payson
General
A Knight of the Nineteenth Century
Roe, Edward Payson
Fiction
Mrs. Arnot had promised to call just before his release, and when she
entered his cell she at once saw that something was amiss. In reply to
her questioning he gave her the letter just received.
After reading it Mrs. Arnot did not speak for some time, and her face
wore a sad, pained look.
At last she said, "You both misunderstand each other; but, Egbert, you
have no right to cherish resentment. Your mother sincerely believes your
course is all wrong, and that it will end worse than before. I think she
is mistaken. And yet perhaps she is right, and it will be easier for you
to commence your better and reformed life in the seclusion which she
suggests. I am sorry to say it to you, Egbert, but I have not been able
to find any employment for you such as you would take, or I would be
willing to have you accept. Perhaps Providence points to submission to
your mother's will."
"If so, then I lose what little faith I have in Providence," he replied
impetuously. "It is here, in this city, that I have fallen and disgraced
myself, and it is here I ought to redeem myself, if I ever do. Weeks
ago, in pride and self-confidence, I made the effort, and failed
miserably, as might have been expected. Instead of being a gifted and
brilliant man, as I supposed, that had been suddenly brought under a
cloud as much through misfortune as fault, I have discovered myself to
be a weak, commonplace, illiterate fellow, strong only in bad passions
and bad habits. Can I escape these passions and habits by going
elsewhere? You have told me, in a way that excited my hope, of God's
power and willingness to help such as I am. If he will not help me here,
he will not anywhere; and if, with his aid, I cannot surmount the
obstacles in my way here, what is God's promised help but a phrase which
means nothing, and what are we but victims of circumstances?"
"Are you not reaching conclusions rather fast, Egbert? You forget that I
and myriads of others have had proof of God's power and willingness to
help. If wide and varied experience can settle any fact, this one has
been settled. But we should ever remember that we are not to dictate the
terms on which he is to help us."
"I do not mean to do this," said Haldane eagerly, "but I have a
conviction that I ought to remain in Hillaton. To tell you the truth,
Mrs. Arnot, I am afraid to go elsewhere," he added in a low tone, while
tears suffused his eyes. "You are the only friend in the universe that I
am sure cares for me, or that I can trust without misgivings. To me God
is yet but little more than a name, and one that heretofore I have
either forgotten or feared. You have led me to hope that it might be
otherwise some day, but it is not so yet, and I dare not go away alone
where no one cares for me, for I feel sure that I would give way to
utter despondency, and recklessness would follow as a matter of course."
"O Egbert," sighed Mrs. Arnot, "how weak you are, and how foolish, in
trusting so greatly in a mere fellow-creature."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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