But when the pair came down from their room that evening for supper, they found themselves a target for the interested stares of everyone else in the dining room. All eyes were turned in their direction. At the conclusion of a somewhat hurried and decidedly embarrassed meal, the young man hunted up the old negro. “Say,” he demanded, “I thought you promised not to give us away, and yet everybody around this hotel is looking at us and grinning.” “Boss,” said the old negro fervently, “ef dey’s learned the truff, dey didn’t none of ’em learn it frum me—naw, suh!” “Well, did anybody speak to you about us after we registered?” “Yas, suh, sevr’l.” “Did any of them want to know whether we were on our wedding trip?” “Yas, suh, they did.” “Well, what did you say to them?” “I sez to ’em: ‘Naw, indeedy, them young folks ain’t no bridal couple—they’s jest a couple of chums.’” § 201 Tuesday May Have Been Worse Out in Australia two Cockneys were sentenced to die for an atrocious murder. As the date for execution drew nearer the nerves of both of them became more and more shaken. Dawn of the fatal morning found them in a state of terrific funk. As they sat in the condemned cell waiting the summons to march to the gallows one of the pair said: “Me mind’s all in a whirl. I carn’t seem to remember anything. I carn’t even remember what dye of the week it is.” “It’s a Monday,” stated his companion in misfortune. “Ow!” said the first one, “wot a rotten wye to start the week!” § 202 A Touch of Summer Complaint A small negro boy went to a physician in Natchez to be treated for a painful sensation in one of his ears. The doctor examined and found the ear was full of water. “How did this happen,” he asked after he had drained the ear—“been going in swimming?” “Naw, suh,” said the little darky—“been eatin’ watermelon!” § 203 He Never Went There Anyhow A chronic imbiber in a New England city was clinging to a lamp-post one Sunday morning when a stranger came along and addressed him. “Sir,” inquired the stranger, “can you tell me where the Second Presbyterian Church is?” “Mister,” answered the weary one, “I don’t even know where the first one is!” § 204 Where Republicans Are Scarce That famous wit, the late Private John Allen of Mississippi, while a member of Congress used to tell a story illustrative of political conditions in his home state. According to Allen, there was a man in his county who hankered to hold public office. “Every time we had a Democratic primary,” said Allen, “this fellow turned up, seeking the nomination for one job or another. But always he was turned down—he never made the grade. “Finally, he just naturally abandoned the Democratic party. He said the Democrats didn’t appreciate true worth; that they didn’t know real merit when they saw it. So he turned Republican.